I'm powered by the sun. It gives me strength; it gives me peace. This is my life, as it is powered...
Monday, October 27, 2008
No rush, no pressure -- MCM 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A great day...
Ran the Marine Corps Marathon today. Ran slow for the first 17 miles, took it all in and really enjoyed the day. Finished in 4:23:28. My slowest marathon yet, but I don't care. The course was great, albeit a bit challenging, the crowd support was incredible, and the marines were a.w.e.s.o.m.e.
I will write up a detailed report later, but now I need some mint chocolate cookie frozen yogurt and sleep. Oh, and the Phillies game!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Papa
He was the coolest. I remember swimming in the ocean with him. I remember the smell of his cigars. I remember walking around the block at the shore house to go get fresh, homemade banana ice cream. Yum. I remember always laughing and being happy around him. And I remember the one and only time he got cross with my sister and I -- because of something with my little brother.
I miss him. I feel like I was robbed. I often wonder what my life would have been like had he lived longer and been more of an influence in my world.
I stopped at his grave on my way home from work today. I do that from time to time. It is marked with a small stone, with his name, U.S. Marine Corps, and his birth and death dates. I talked to him for a moment, and asked him to look over me on Sunday -- to be there with me and remind me to take it all in, look around and thank the men and women in uniform, enjoy the day.
No rush, no pressure. That's my mantra for Sunday. I will be thinking about my Papa, I will be thinking about my friend FXC (also a former Marine), and I will be taking it all in. I've been feeling less than healthy all week, and I'm not expecting a fast time. I'm not planning on it. I'm not thinking about my time.
Run with me on Sunday, Papa. I'll be thinking about you.
Packing
I've got all my race stuff together. Including about 4 different tops. Not sure what I'm going to end up wearing on race day. The weather forecast is in the middle. Not warm enough to warrant a full T back tank, but not cool enough for sleeves. I'm thinking arm warmers and either a sleeveless or short sleeve top. I'm taking a bunch. This trip, I'll overpack AND realize at some point that I packed wrong...
Unpacking when I get home is even worse. I'm not good at putting stuff away.
*sigh*
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Countdown
4 full days till the marathon
3 more days of work
2 of my biggest supporters travelling to D.C. with me
1 hope for the day...
Monday, October 20, 2008
Catching up
Then a great run on Saturday (after a night of drinking -- who knew?!) where I realized, at a point after the 4 mile mark, that I really couldn't feel my legs -- they were just moving beneath me -- while my breathing was easy and it felt like I could keep going and going. So cool. Alas, I was stopping after 5 miles...
Spent some time walking around town with my nephews at the Fall Festival -- there was a bit of a chill in the air for the first time, so the jeans and long sleeves were pulled out of the closet. The sun was shining all weekend, though, so the chill wasn't anything more than a reminder that summer is over.
My sister and I did 9 miles around the Art Museum loop on Sunday. It was supposed to be a slow, easy run, but we didn't realize that the AIDS Walk Philly was happening that day, so we did an awful lot of dodging and weaving through the crowds. The run, again, was easy for me, even though we ran it much faster than a LSD run should be for me. I'm not worried -- my legs are no worse for it, and today was a rest day.
MCM this Sunday... I'm looking forward to it, but I'm even moreso looking forward to some rest time afterwards.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Numbers
I was born at 8:40pm.
I'm one of two -- I'm a twin.
I have 5 neices and nephews, and I talked to all of them today.
I have one brother, and I wish we were closer.
I have two parents and one grandmother (who turned 92 yesterday!).
I ran 5 miles today.
That makes 1596 miles for the year, or
about 10 full days and 15 hours worth of running.
I currently am rotating between 2 pairs of running shoes.
I've run 28 races that I can remember:
3 sprint triathlons
3 half marathons
3 18 mile races
3 full marathons
3 Five mile Dog Day races
8 5k's
1 four mile race
1 3.65 mile race
1 ten mile race
1 6ish mile relay leg of a marathon
1 8.6ish mile midnight run
I weighed 119lbs this morning.
I currently have all ten toenails, with none currently in danger (yay!).
I have one tattoo.
I have owned:
2 houses (condos)
6 cars
2 surfboards
and more than 4 bikes
over the years.
I sleep about 7 hours a night (never without waking at least once).
I'm at work for more than 7 hours every day (and bring work home every night).
I've had an uncounted number of friendships over the years,
and I've lost friendships, too.
I've had loves
and heartbreaks
that I don't want to number.
I am 37 years old today.
I've had lots of little successes
and just as many, and probably more, frustrations.
There are at least three things that I want, but I can't seem to get.
Instead, tonight, I'll think about the 11+ friends I'll be going out to dinner with tomorrow night for my birthday celebration!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Back at it...
And now, for some humor: That's me, waving in the orange, in the lower left corner, and my sister next to me. This is the local paper's coverage of the race, taken just after my sister jumped in to run with me. Ha. Makes it look like I'm enjoying the day... Right...
At least I got back at it today.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Some good stuff...
I'm worn out. So I'm taking a minute to think about all the great athletic things that happened in the past few days to people around me.
Tim and Biah ran their first marathons. Awesome!
Larry, another Tim, and Norah ran strong in Baltimore!
Maria ended up with a priceless experience, supporting her sister through her first marathon!
Joe kicked butt in Chicago for an incredible PR.
Sage PR'd in her marathon. Woot!
Kevin and Shawn and my other friend Joe completed their run through Chicago on a tough day!
Two running store friends, TJ and Ralph, ran the 18 miler and did so well. They are fast!
And I can't forget Maggs. I don't even know her in real life, but she found my blog and I am so grateful. Maggs just kicked some serious ass in the Ironman World Championships in Kona on Saturday. Halfway around the world, I cheered for Maggs throughout the day, tracking her and watching the live coverage online. I wished I could have stayed awake for her finish, but I went to bed knowing she was well on her way to running a fantastic marathon time, after posting incredible bike and swim times, too. You are an inspiration, Maggs. Congratulations.
I appreciate all the comments and support I've received here on my blog, as well as through text messages and online notes. Thank you. Amid all my blue, there are good things to celebrate.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Well, there it is.
I hydrated well leading into the day. Carbed well. Got some decent sleep. Tapered.
Woke up nervous. Couldn't shake the nerves.
Started a little faster than I wanted for the first mile, but I was surprised to see the split because I really felt like I was running through cement. I felt waaaaayyy slower than I was.
Slowed down a bit for the second and third miles, then tried to get on race pace. Mile 4 was right on. Mile 5, while it felt ok, was slower than planned. Huh. Picked it up for mile 6 - this was a few seconds faster than race pace. By now I'm feeling cramping in my lower left side, but I'm drinking and taking my enlyten strips, so not only am I consumed with what my pace is doing, but I'm also trying to figure out why I'm getting a stitch.
Slow a bit for mile 7, take a gel somewhere around here. As I approach mile 7.5, I know I'll see my whole family. At this point, I am convinced I'm not feeling right and I'm not going to be able to run the race I want to. (I've only now realized, looking at my splits, that I was only about 30 seconds slower than where I should have been at this point.) My right calf started cramping. I see my people, and I walk by them. I high five the kids and tell my dad this isn't going to work today. My sister starts running with me.
Mile 8 is more than 1:15 off pace. Reeled it in a bit for mile 9, but still off pace. I would continue to be off pace for the rest of the race. Walked, jogged, hydrated, took enlyten strips, took another gel -- this one a GU (eww!), and talked to my sister about the point in going on. Here I was, again, struggling my way to the finish of a race I sailed through my first year (2 years ago) to a 2:44:19. Loved every step. Last year, hot and with 2 miles done before it because of marathon training, I dragged my butt to an embarrassing struggle of a finish. Terrible. This was the year for revenge -- to PR -- to feel good about this race again.
My sister and I talked about my inability to have a good race day anymore for distance races. We talked about whether I should continue on to finish, even though I didn't want to have another disappointing race, because of the Marine Corps Marathon in two weeks. There were moments where I wondered if I could even take another step because my calves were cramping so badly. I would walk, stop and stretch, take my enlyten strips; I even sipped some warm gatorade later in the race (bad move -- not good for the stomach). I didn't want to go another step, but I couldn't NOT finish this race.
This is a run I've done countless times. I've done training runs up the boulevard where I had to hold myself back from running too fast for 16 miles. I've run the length of the island again and again. I know I can do it. I know I can do it well. I've done it. But for the past two years, on race day, I can't.
For that matter, since my first PDR (half marathon) two years ago and then my first 18 mile run (3 weeks later), all of my distance races have not gone well. My first marathon, the following spring, was terrible. Ended up in the med tent after crossing the finish line in 4:19:xx. Ran the PDR that fall with my sister and had stomach issues. Ran the 18 miler weeks later and struggled to the finish line in a horrendous 3:24 or something. I remember telling my dad I wasn't sure about running the Philly marathon. But I did, about 2 months later, and while it was a better race, I still wasn't able to finish in the time I'd hoped and trained for. 4:08:xx. Ran the NJ marathon again (revenge!) in the spring, and again did not have a good day. 4:15:xx. Ear popping, legs cramping -- sounds like hydration/electrolytes, right? Why can't I get that working???!!! I'm drinking, I'm taking the strips, I'm taking the gels.
Shorter distances, I'm ok. Longer distances, I can't get it right on race day. I've got the nerves, I've got the pressure, I've got the expectations.
People tell me to relax -- think of it as a training run, take the pressure off. Right. How do you do that when it's NOT a training run -- it's the race you've been working toward, focused on, trained for. Running is an individual sport. I don't want to get worse at it -- I want to improve. Yet with each training round, I'm moving backwards. I am getting worse. Maybe not in times, necessarily, but my experiences aren't good -- I'm not able to have a good race day.
I watched the Kona Ironman online the day before my race. I tracked people. I watched the men's and women's finishers. They pulled it off. Had a solid day. Hell, Craig Alexander and Chrissie Wellington BOTH had smiles on their faces in that marathon. I had to force mine yesterday.
As my sister and I forged on, my parents kept popping up along the route to offer support. I saw friends along the way. I kept going, pissed, frustrated, and disappointed. My stomach in knots, my legs tight, I kept moving toward the finish line. I shook my head at my inspirational messages in chalk on the street.
As we approached the finish, my sister ran ahead and I sprinted up the chute and across the line. I had a smile on my face, and I high-fived a family friend who was in charge of the finish area. A walker moved me toward the far part of the chute to the girl who would remove my chip. I couldn't speak. I moved to the side as the girl struggled to get the chip loose. She couldn't get it, and I couldn't hold on. I leaned to the side and vomited. All water. Missed my shoes. (whew!) Moved away from the finish area, unsure of whether she finally got the chip, and collected myself. Walked a little, squatted down for a minute, and finally felt ok.
Sort of. My body felt better after puking, but my heart and my head were hurting. So frustrated. The weather was fine. Not too hot, not humid, wind due north (which became annoying in my face the whole way) but not more than 8-10 mph.
Plain and simple, I let my nerves get the best of me. Maybe my pacing contributed, maybe my hydration/electrolytes needed tweaking, but ultimately I know my mental anxiety contributed significantly to a bad day. I had a PR to set -- nothing overly ambitious, just break the 2:44:xx -- and I focused on that. Somehow, that focus turned to nerves, and I couldn't shake it.
So there it is. Another bad race. Some people tell me, hey, you finished and that's what matters. But I didn't finish without walking. I didn't finish the way I should have. I didn't, and so there it is... 3:09:54. ugh.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Bring it on.
Pasta for dinner.
Drove up to the north end of the island and left messages for the runners in chalk on the road.
Bring it on.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
All the work's done...
After getting some solid ideas to think about from my running friends, I set out for my run without a definite game plan. Figured I'd let the run come as it does...
So I did an easy first mile, then dropped to MP for the second mile. At this point I arrived at the track and did 1200m at around tempo pace (a touch faster, actually) and then a recovery 400m. I decided to do a MP mile on the track and then head back home. The track MP mile was fast -- about 8:32 -- but I just couldn't slow myself down enough. I then headed home (2 miles) and did those just slightly faster than easy pace.
Legs are feeling good, although a little heavy -- which is normal for me the week leading into a race. They are feeling better than usual, though. I have had a weird left foot arch ache happening, but I'm trying to take care of it and hope it resolves itself by Sunday. I'll take tomorrow off and run a couple/3 easy on Saturday.
I'm as ready as I can be for this race. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is where all my training pays off. I'm smarter now than I was the last time I ran this race. I've trained a little differently, and I'm anxious to see if I did ok planning my own training. I can't control the weather, so I'm not going to stress about it yet. All I can do is run smart, and run my best.
All the work's done now, so it's time to let the legs rest and refresh and be ready for a solid race.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Motivation
Today I really started getting focused on the race this coming Sunday.
I have a whole bunch of friends running marathons this weekend -- many in Chicago -- and I'm thinking about them, too. We all work so hard, train so diligently, track the weather and hope for the perfect running day.
Truth is, we can plan what we'll wear (orange tank, black shorts, orange-red shoes), plan out the race execution (more on that another time), try our best to be at a good race weight (I'm currently hovering right around 120lbs.), use past race experiences in our plan, taper well, and visualize success. We can do all that, and be totally prepared, and the day could still go awry.
I'm doing all I can this week to stay positive, to be prepared, to be mentally strong, physically strong, and ready to go. I'm not focusing on what could go wrong -- I'm focusing on what I can control, what can go well. It's easier said than done, for sure. I remember the rough races, I remember how things can work against our best plans. But I'm preparing to be ready. I'm preparing to be strong. I'm preparing to run smart and run well. I'm preparing to reach the north end of the island, 18 miles after starting, running with my head up and my heart knowing I've done my best.
I want this. I'm motivated to do this. I can do it.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
A full weekend...
I planned on running about 5 miles on Saturday, and I meant to do them slowly. I'm not sure how or why, but I ended up running the 5 waaaay faster than I should have (wha??? I clearly wasn't paying attention, but I really thought I was way slower). I decided to add one more mile and ran that one super slow.
Spent all afternoon with lots of friends at the local firehouse's block party. Lots of the people I normally see in the summer, and several people I've gotten know more recently through the triathlon and other races/training were there. The weather was great, and after a few beers and a lot of catching up with people, I called it a day.
12 miles this morning. I ran the first 12 miles of the race I'll run next weekend. I kept the run at about a 9:37 pace -- probably faster than I should have, but I really felt like I was expending a lot of energy just trying to hold myself back. I started thinking through a race plan for next Sunday, and realized it's all going to depend on the weather. I really hope it's cool -- even drizzly if necessary -- but not hot or humid.
I spent about an hour napping on the beach afterwards. As I drove home, I couldn't help thinking this was a good weekend and I had fun yesterday, so why is it that I'm bugged by the thought that I'm still not where I want to be?
Thursday, October 2, 2008
solar power...
A bunch of oj, some airborne, some cold meds. I didn't fall asleep at work. Now if I could just get through my run....
The plan was for about 8 miles, with the middle 6 at MP. Technically, my MP will be about 9 mins per mile. I'm hoping to PR at my 18 mile race next weekend, and my current PR is 2:44:xx - so just over 9mpm. I'm still trying to break 4 hours in the marathon, with my current PR at 4:08:xx. In my last marathon training, my training had me with about an 8:45 pace for MP, so that 9mpm in the race would feel easier. Today, I planned on hitting those 6 MP miles at no slower than 8:45.
I drove over to Philly and ran the Art Museum loop. It's an 8.56mile loop, and it was a sunny, clear, cool, but windy, afternoon. I started well, although a touch too fast, and as I approached the first mile, I settled into a rhythm. Along the loop, there are markers every 1/4 mile, and I used these to check my pace as I ran. One of these days I'll get one of those Garmin things so my pace is easier to monitor...
I ended up feeling pretty good as I ran, and my first couple MP miles were too fast. I tried to slow down, to get the MP feel, but I was running comfortably and just never got the pace to the 8:45 range. Late in the run I decided to run 7 at MP and then go a little extra for the full cool-down mile. Here are my splits:
m1 9:20
m2 8:20 yikes! too fast! slow down!
m3 8:31 better, but not slow enough
m4 8:35 getting there
m5 8:36 not there yet, but comfortable
m6 8:32 oops, this is too easy today
m7 8:16 bug in ear! bug in ear! freaking out! running fast! seriously, it's buzzing in there!!!
m8 8:07 is that bug still in my ear?!!! I'm freaked! Finish strong!!!
m9.1 9:43 take it slow here ...
So, overall, a MP run that I ran waaay faster than planned. I did the same thing with a similar workout before the marathon last spring. Today, I reminded myself that while this is a confidence booster now, I'll need to reign myself in at the start of the race next weekend and hold a steadier, closer to MP pace, so that new PR is in the books. :)
Funny thing is, my head is lighter and my cold has subsided.
Ahhh, the power of the sunshine and fresh air...
invisible...
But I do. And I can't help it. And it's hard.