Chapter 6... Coming to Terms

As last week ended, I was beginning to feel the loss of everything -- my friendship with C, my feeling of being part of this close group of friends, my sense of belonging, and yes, even my loss of G's friendship. The weekend was uncomfortable -- I saw C at a friend's house and he barely spoke to me. I'd normally grab a beer with these guys on Sunday evening, and that just wasn't going to happen. It was tough. And I still had to speak with the detective about what to do...

I met with the detective on Monday after work. I went there pretty sure I was going to close this case today. Not press ahead with the charges. I had told the guys, the night I laid it all out with them, that I didn't need any of my friends to go to prison, I just needed to know who did this. As much as I didn't want G to get away with this, I also didn't want to go back on my word. I hoped that G would suffer the consequences of all this through his relationships with our friends -- and maybe that would be tough enough. A big part of me wanted to make him go through all the legal stuff, especially because I felt that whatever damage he felt with the friends wouldn't last forever, but the other part of me wanted to be able to move on.

The detective was patient with me and my questions and sat with me for an hour. I asked if he had spoken with G and whether G admitted all this to him. He had, and G did. That made me feel a bit better. I didn't want G to admit this to me but deny it to the police -- then I'd feel like I still didn't have my answers.

I also asked him what advice he'd give his daughter in all this, and whether he thought I could feel safe if I didn't go ahead with pressing the charges. He told me he'd let his daughter make her own decision. The safety question was tougher to answer. His impression, in the several conversations he'd had with G, was that he didn't think I would need to feel unsafe. He could tell I wasn't completely sure I was doing the right thing by not pushing ahead with the charges now, though, and gave me some information that helped me feel better about my decision.

The felony charge of identity theft with the intent to harm carries a five year statute of limitations. The harrassment charge carries a one year statute of limitations. At any time, if I am uncomfortable with something with G, I can ask the detective to reopen the case.

I left that meeting feeling better about my decision, but still not better about my situation. I think I had thought that once we knew who it was, we could just go on with our lives. I was beginning to realize just how wrong that thinking was.

I never contacted C to fill him in on my meeting with the detective. He had been pretty obvious in his disinterest in talking with me. That was tough. I had been keeping him informed the whole way through. I thought he was as upset and angry about all this as I was.

And then, two days later, in the middle of a conversation I was having with one of the guys, I was told C had been hanging out with someone else.

Shoot me now. The hits keep coming.

This threw me for an emotional loop. On top of me dealing with the fall-out of the ad itself, I now had to deal with knowing why C was so distant.

Now, C and I were never technically boyfriend/girlfriend. But, we had had a close relationship. He relied on me and I was there for him. I know my friendship had been important to him, and his to me. I don't have the right to be angry that he's seeing someone else, but it hurts. And, in a sense, I am angry that he didn't at least stand by me through to the end of this. But he has his life to live, and I can't change how he does that.


So, I've spent the last week coming to terms with all that I've been dealing with. This was a very difficult, emotionally charged weekend. My sister has been my lifesaver -- getting me out of the house, letting me hide on her sofa, understanding as I cry on our runs. My training is coming to an end, and that's hard for me, too. I like the training so much more than the race itself. I haven't been eating like I should, and my sleeping has suffered. I'm hurt, I'm overly emotional, and I'm angry at G for such destruction.

Coming to terms with all this is a work in progress. I haven't spoken with G at all, and I haven't spoken with C in over a week. I've had great support from those of you who read this blog and from friends I never expected. I still can't answer the question, "How are you doing?" but as so many people have said, this is the way things are right now, not forever.

This will most likely be the last post, the last chapter, on this part of my life. It's so hard to write this all out -- so draining. I wanted to tell it, though, because it has so consumed my life for the past month and a half. I've learned a lot about people during this time. I've been surprised by people, and disappointed by others. I used to feel like I was part of a good group of friends; I had a sense of belonging there. I was happy, really happy. I don't have that anymore.

The deception and destruction I've dealt with has been devastating. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.