It's (un)official.

I'm a little off.

I kept meaning to write a more detailed post about the slog-fest that was the Glass City marathon DNF of last Sunday, but I just couldn't figure out what to say. My pre-race nerves were on high-alert, my nervousness about the heat came to fruition, and although stepping off the course at 15.5 was like a weight off my shoulders, I felt all week like I had unfinished business.

I looked into registering for the Delaware Marathon in 2 weeks. Closed out.
I even considered registering for NJ (this weekend), but it was also closed out.

I needed to finish my spring marathon. My training had no closure.

I have too many commitments next weekend. I would be cheering on my friends at the Broad Street Run in Philly today. I didn't want to wait for weeks from now, because I'd have to rework more training...

So Friday I drove to the shore. I didn't tell anyone what I was thinking. I didn't say anything more than I planned on waking up in the morning and running until I stop, but my dad got the hint.

Years ago, he had a score to settle with the marathon distance and ran his own on Long Beach Island. Yesterday morning, I did the same.

Woke up at 5, ate my normal pre-race breakfast, and felt calm. No pre-race jitters, no nervousness. I didn't know how my legs would handle 26.2 miles just 6 days after the beating they took at Glass City (they were sore until Wednesday!), but I had to do this. While I wanted to feel good about my time, I didn't put any expectations on myself. I knew my legs weren't in top shape, so I just hoped to cover the distance and feel good about the run.

I left a note for my parents and slipped out of the house for a 7am sharp start. Just like a real race. I headed south for the first half of my first 12 mile loop. At the turn-around, I decided to go one more mile, so by the time I got back past the house, I'd have run 14 already. I passed my sister-in-law and two neices walking their dog at the turn around and yelled, I can't stop! I might be running a marathon right now! My SIL watched me, took a second to think about what I just said, and started yelling Go Lora Go! The little girls joined in. My only true crowd support the whole day! Sweet! My pace was good, I was feeling good. I kept going.

I figured my dad would try to find me at some point in the middle of that first loop, but he apparently couldn't find me. I felt bad that I didn't see him -- I watched his truck cross the street about 6 blocks ahead of me at one point, but we never crossed paths. I felt bad, but I was feeling pretty good, so I didn't dwell on it. I would end up running most of this race without an ipod, or water/aid stations, or any real crowd support.

When I got back to my parents' block, I uncapped my water, ran into the house, filled my bottle, and yelled to my mom that I was going to keep going. I ran back out the door, completing a less-than-60-second water station stop.

I threw an extra mile loop north in, and then headed back south to do almost the same loop as the first -- but a bit shorter. My dad finally found me around mile 15.5, and asked how I was feeling. I told him I was tired, but ok. I was on a good pace -- probably looking at just two minutes or so slower than my PR.

Less than a mile later, my legs would remind me they were still worked from last weekend. By mile 17, they were hurting. I kept telling myself, just slow down a little. No stopping until you hit the store and refill the water for the last half of the loop home. (My family's store would be right there after I turned around at about mile 21 to head home to the finish line.)

Around mile 19 I got a weird pain in my lower left side. Not a cramp, really, but it doubled me over. I had to stop short and walk for about 30 seconds to catch my breath. After that, I was ok and started running again. I got to the turn-around, stopped for another super-quick water pit stop at the store, and was excited to think I only had 5 miles to go to the finish. I've run these 5 miles home a bazillion times. No big deal.

Up to this point, I had been taking my strips and taking my gels and all that seemed to be working. I didn't feel woozy at all (for a change!) and other than my legs feeling completely shot, I was doing well. This is what I needed. This is what I need to remember for the future. I knew if I had stronger legs on this day, I'd be running a strong race.

When I made the turn up to the ocean road for the last 2.2 miles to home, I was psyched. I smiled at a little kid on a bike. I smelled the ocean. I giggled at the fact that just now it was starting to rain. Whatever -- I was almost done a marathon. Let it rain.

I had to stop to walk out the tightness in my legs for a block or so twice in those last 5 miles, and overall my pace in those last 10 miles slowed considerably. Even so, I knew I would be finishing in a time that was faster than my slowest marathon, so I was happy. It really wasn't about the time. It was about finishing unfinished business.

At mile 25.5 I started to feel overcome with emotion. Other than Marine Corps, which I didn't race, it's been so long since I've run a long distance race or a marathon where I didn't feel sick, or woozy, or defeated.

At mile 26, a block before my parents' house, my dad pulled up next to me in his truck. How are you? he asked. I've got .3 to go, I told him. And smiled. I handed him my water bottle and I sprinted past the house to the finish line a few blocks north. When I crossed the 26.2 mile mark, I stopped, bent over and touched the street, and stopped my watch. 4:18:04. Smack in the middle of my 4 other marathon times.

Years ago when my dad did his LBI marathon, a friend had a plaque made for him. He had given me the plaque after one of my frustrating marathons, and said maybe someday I'd just get up and run my own marathon.

I didn't run my LBI marathon as fast as my dad did, but I ran it.

It's unofficial, but it's worth it. It's not fast, but it's worth it.

I did it by myself, and it was worth it.

The brief report

Nerves quieting as I started the race (a little late -- more later on that), I went out there and ran. And quickly I noticed how high my HR was, and how quickly the high temps and hot sun were sucking the life outta my legs. By mile 4 we were running directly into the strong winds.

By the time I hit mile 8, I wasn't having fun.

I stepped off the course at mile 15.5 and went right up to a race official and asked for a ride back to the start/finish.

A weight was lifted off my shoulders.

It was hard -- getting my first DNF -- but it was the right decision, for several reasons.

I'll write a looooooooooooong report later. There's a lot more to say about my fun weekend with my friends in Ohio...

Repeating in my mind...

"It is the illusion that we can go no faster that holds us back."

KENNY MOORE

This was in my inbox yesterday. On a day when I watched some amazing athletes power their way to incredible, but tough finishes in the Boston Marathon (more on that later), this statement really hit home.

This statement is absolutely, without a doubt, dead-on for me. I have an illusion -- a fear, even -- to overcome. I'm not sure when that will happen... But I do know I'll have this statement in my mind until I cross the finish line on Sunday.

Spring (break) cleaning...

My Spring Break was this week, and I didn't fly away to a warm beach... for a few reasons. So, since I was home, I did a little spring cleaning. Trying to declutter, simplify. I'm not good at it. I like the simplicity, I like the clutter-free environment -- but I'm not good at getting rid of things, even when they're headed to Goodwill or Purple Heart.

My sister, however, is a pro. She came over and helped me purge a bunch of stuff.

Then, she took one look at my stash of shoes and asked, seriously, if I really need all of those:

Of course I do. Some are current running shoes, some are older (for the rainy days) running shoes, some are retired-for-running-but-good-for-wearing-around shoes, some are flip flops for running out for something quickly, there's a pair (or two?) of pool flip flops, and one pair of older running shoes for softball.

I didn't let her see all the shoes that are in my closet.

Holiday goodness

Yesterday was a family-filled day. I had a really good 16 miler at the shore -- including a few miles over the bridges connecting the island to the mainland. Ran a bit faster than planned, but didn't notice because my HR was good and I was comfortable.

Cleaned up and had a yummy Easter dinner with my whole family -- mom, dad, grandmom, brother and SIL, sister and BIL, and all their little kids (5 of them, 6 years old and younger!). After our early dinner, we went outside and played wiffle ball and ran around -- soaking in the sun and smelling the salt air of the ocean.

I wish I had taken more pics, but this is a fun one of my 3.5 year old nephew this morning:

He's hilarious.

If you look closely, in the background you can see my other nephew... shirtless and in bare feet in our 45* weather here in NJ. He wasn't cold. I think he's awesome, too.

In an instant

Life can change in an instant. Today, after running my miles in the darkness before work for the second morning in a row, after spending today's miles thinking about my pace, my speed, I was reminded that life isn't just about being faster, zooming through the mundane, or hoping a slow day would move along.

This morning, on her way to work, a young teacher in my district was struck and killed in her car by a truck running a red light. In an instant, life changes.

I can run tomorrow. I might even be able to get faster if I really work on it. But I was reminded today of how life can change in an instant, and so while I'll still work on my speed, I'll also try to really remember to appreciate the fact that I'm able to run at all.

Last long run

Ran a 22 miler today. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm still working them all out, so I'll write more about it later.

The brief report: Much of it was good, the last 2 miles weren't.

If I can't get through a slower-paced, 22 miler in training without feeling ok the whole way, how am I supposed to run race pace and make it 26.2 miles?

Gah.