Speedwork and mental games

I had speedwork on the schedule for today.

I don't mind speedwork -- I really don't. I haven't always felt this way, though. For a long time I never really understood intervals, never paid attention to pacing, had never run on a track.

Then I had a friend generously work out a marathon training plan for me, and it included speedwork. I was scared. Nervous. I even had to ask how it all works.

But I did it, and started to understand. Yes, there were times when I cursed my friend, times when I thought I might puke, and times when I just didn't think my legs would move that fast. But I did it, and I got better at it. I'm using many of those workouts in this training round.

I don't mind speedwork. But almost every time it's on my schedule, I think, can I do this? It's gonna hurt. My legs won't move that fast today. I don't know if I can...

And then I hit the road, run to the track, and do the speedwork. Of course I can do it, I remind myself. You've done it before. Of course you can do this.

By the time I'm mid-way through, I'm either thinking, ugh, this is rough, how much more 'till the recovery lap/mileage? OR, this isn't so bad.

Either way, I don't quit. Even when I want to.

I don't quit, because I know I can do it. I've done it before. I don't quit, because I know I feel accomplished and strong when I'm done.

I don't mind speedwork. But sometimes my mind makes me think I do.

Legs

Yes, those are my legs in the photos in the last post. I have a love/hate relationship with them on any given day, at any given moment.

I hated them during those couple weeks recently when I was feeling uncertain about my running.

I loved them when they let me carry my 3 year old nephew on my shoulders all around Target.

I hate them when my knees feel wonky.

I love them when I get the kick right in the pool.

I hate them when they feel like lead at the end of a long day of work when I still have to run.

I love them when they get me through that run anyway.

I hate them when I'm trying to buy boots or pants and my calves don't let them fit.

I love them when they look good in a skirt.


And, with a huge exhale, I really loved them this weekend, when they successfully carried me through an 8 mile and an 18 mile run. After a few weeks of feeling uncertain about my running, my legs got back under me this week with some strong speedwork and a solid long run.

Today, I'm happy to have strong legs. My legs.

Shoes, and feet...

I have a thing about dressing well for work. Many people at my school do not. I often wear dresses, or skirts/tops, or nice pants/tops, and heels.

I try to wear flats or lower-heeled shoes at times, but I'm short (5'3") and I like the look of the outfits in heels better.

Many of the heels I have are pretty comfortable...

...For short bouts of walking or standing.

I'm a teacher. I'm standing/walking around through most of my day.

I should not wear heels.

My feet often hurt by the end of the day. On mornings when I run before work, this is not a problem. If I didn't have to leave for work by 6:30am, I'd do most of my runs before work. Most days, however, I don't. And so, I often head home from work with hurting feet that have to carry me through miles on the road before I can soak them or simply put them up.

I just got a new pair of running shoes:

I've only worn them once, since my other shoes aren't done yet. I'll slowly get some miles on these and have them ready for race day. They are a little softer than the 6's, and I liked them. I'd like to wear them all day long.

I'd even like to wear flip flops. Or slippers. Or best yet, bare feet.

While I like the look of heels, I don't really like shoes. My feet hurt when I wear them all day.

Thankfully, I got a foot bubbler/soaker for Christmas.

tying shoelaces...

as my sister calls it... It means tying loose ends, wrapping things up, taking care of stuff...

I took Friday off from working out. A sh*tty week of runs and a call for Happy Hour made the decision for me.

Planned on 14 miles with my sister on Saturday morning. Sometime after 2 beers Friday night, I plotted a new course (sort of) for us to run.

I proceeded to curse myself for the entire 14 miles. Apparently, in my quest to run a route that was a bit different and to get us past a water fountain mid-run, I neglected to pay attention to the elevation of the route. Almost all an incline. Cripes.

Would've been a great workout if my running was working these days. We did fine, really, but I certainly gave our legs a workout. Sheesh.

Got out for 5 easy recovery miles today. All was good...

Saturday night was a friend's birthday dinner at a Moroccan restaurant in the city. I'd never been there (or to any Moroccan place, I think, except maybe once in San Fran). It was dark (which meant we couldn't really see what we were eating), we ate with our hands (which wasn't too bad, except we couldn't figure out how to scoop some stuff up tactfully), we went through about 8 bottles of wine (there was 11, then 9 of us), we were entertained about every 15 minutes by two belly dancers -- one male (who knew!?) and one female, and the whole dinner took about 4 hours. Fun, interesting, a little weird at times. I've showered twice since then and my hands still smell like the food a little...

Finally, this afternoon, I went to one of my friend's (from the running store) houses for a Daytona (almost)500 party. Couple drinks, lots of fun... a good end to the weekend. :)

It shouldn't be this hard.

8 miles, I mean. It shouldn't be as tough to run 8 easy-paced miles as it was today. Ok, I chose a route that had some tough hills in it, but still...

From the moment I started, my feet hurt, I felt like I was doing a Biggest Loser workout where I'm dragging one of the trainers behind me, my body felt like it was encased in cement, my legs were heavy.

The weather was great -- 69*, cloudy and windy, but warm. I wore shorts and a light long sleeve shirt (and that was just because I knew I'd be running 'till the sun set and it would get cooler). The air was fresh; it was so nice to run outside today. Except it was hard. A sucky run.

I did attack the hills as I'd planned. Run easy through the miles, but attack the hills. I did that. And, at some point in the middle miles my pace got better, and the run felt easier. But overall it wasn't one to feel good about.

During my run, I was thinking about my friends. I have friends, in real-life and in computerland, who run waaay more than me. Some are triathletes -- Ironman competitors -- and some are ultra marathoners. I read/hear about all the miles run and the swimming done and the biking, the yoga, the spin classes, the weight training.

I know today's run was a fluke. But I can't help thinking my 8 miles shouldn't have been this hard.

A triathlon day, of sorts...

I'm making up my current training plan as I go. Been pouring over past training cycles and weighing what's worked with what I need to revise. I'd like to keep some cross-training going on through this cycle, so I'm trying to get to the pool and on the bike at least one time each week. Normally this time of year, I'm just running.

Today I woke up early and got 30 minutes done on the bike trainer. Kinda boring, but it felt good to get that in before work.

Met my sister for a 5 miler after work. We did a progression-type run, though we didn't have any prescribed times in mind. Started slow, and each mile got a bit faster. Ended the run at a good clip up a challenging little hill, then got a cool-down done once it flattened out.

Then, I hit the pool. Or, rather, I should say the pool hit me. Apparently the heater broke early this morning. That water was COLD! Agh! I got used to the water pretty quickly -- it even felt a bit refreshing -- but I only got about half the workout done that I wanted because I had my old goggles (duh!) that leak and fog and I couldn't take it anymore.

No matter. I still felt like it was a good workout day.

What will it take?

What will it take for me to run a marathon and get a PR?

What will it take for me to feel like I'm prepared?

What will it take to get me working out and stretching and resting and eating the way I should?

What will it take for me to be ok with the fact that I don't have a runner's body, so I must accept what I can do?

What will it take for me to feel accomplished at this running thing?

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The only answer I have tonight is to just keep running.
But I know that's not enough.