What if I forget?

My achilles has been feeling tight every morning this week when I get out of bed. I walk to the bathroom and hope it loosens up. I wonder why this week -- after all these weeks of no running, after all these sessions with the physical therapist -- I wonder why this week my achilles (not even my calf!) feels tight. I wonder, and I'm frustrated.

Someone suggested it might be because we're having a super-humid, rainy week. Someone else suggested it is my other muscles taking over for the ones that have been the focus.

Whatever it is, it's been making me wonder all week if I'll ever run again. And when I do, will I remember how?

Today, at PT, I got stretched, strengthened, scraped, and stretched again. I talked with my PT about my follow-up appointment with the sports med doc on Monday. And then my PT said, "Ok, let's get you on the treadmill." This wasn't news -- I'd walked on the TM for 10 minutes on Tuesday. But what K said next made my heart skip:

"We'll even get you running -- no, jogging -- for a little bit, too."

What!? Really!? Don't tease me. Seriously?

WAIT! What if I forget how to run? What if my arms don't work or I trip over my own feet? What if I lost my coordination? What if I look like Phoebe on Friends running down the street with my arms flailing all over the place!?

I was sweating, my heart was skipping, I felt like a kid on Christmas.

And I was nervous. My leg isn't 100%. I compare it to how the right leg feels -- which has zero problems -- and I know my left achilles/calf isn't 100%. I was nervous that my body wouldn't remember how to run, and I was hesitant to run when I knew I've been still feeling some tightness.

But my PT wanted to see how my leg reacted so she could send me to the doc on Monday with an update on my progress. So, like a kid trying out her new bike for the first time, I excitedly and with some trepidation made my way over to the treadmill.

I walked for 2 minutes, and my leg still felt some leftover crankiness -- not strong tightness, but something. But it didn't get worse. And then K came over and said, ok -- now let's jog for one minute.

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay! I get to jog! Ten minute pace, and it was pretty good. A little over a minute. Leg didn't get any worse -- still just a touch of crankiness.

And then I walked for 2 more minutes, and then I jogged for 2 more minutes. Leg actually felt better in this second run. Then I finished with 2 minutes of walking.

It may have only been a test, and it may have only been a few minutes, but I didn't forget. I didn't forget. It may have been slow, but I ran -- and I didn't forget how.

And in those few minutes I was happier than I've been in weeks.