Patience

I don't have much.

I need people to hurry up to get to their point,

I need the bumper to bumper traffic to get moving,

I cringe when someone is late,

and my mind starts reeling when something is delayed.

At times, I can hide my impatience.

Often, I can employ my yoga experience to help calm me.

For some things, I fool myself into a sort of faked patience.

But these days, patience is lacking in me.

I'm trying to be patient about my calf. It's been on and off bugging me since the week after the marathon. I rested several days, then tried to run, and pop. Calf pain. I rested, felt better, tried to run, pop. I rested, felt better, stepped down a step, pop.

Cripes. So now it's been 5 more days of no running. Swimming, biking, yoga, but no running.

I need to run. I need that stress reliever. I crave it. The other things, I know, are good for my body -- but they don't "do it" for me like going out for a run does. I want to get back out there. I'm trying to be patient -- to make sure I don't get back at it too soon -- but inside I'm like a pinball bouncing around the machine.

I'm trying to be patient about my social/friendship stuff. Everyone seems to be doing their own thing these days -- or they're doing stuff with each other and not reaching out to me. Every once in a while we all meet up for drinks -- minus G and C (who I guess is too wrapped up with his new lady interest) -- but it's not the same. I know this kind of stuff goes in waves -- at least for me, in my life -- but I'm not very patient with it. I liked feeling like I was a part of something, and now I'm back to feeling like I'm on the outside again. I'm trying to be patient, but inside it's like I can't catch my breath.

I'm trying to be patient about several other things in my life, too. My job (my salary is frozen for at least this upcoming year, my after school/extra pay things are probably gone, etc.), my dad's recovery (for him -- I know how frustrated I'd be if I were him), my love life.

Patience is something I don't have much of. Something that I know is important. I'm not sure what impatience looks like, but I just know I want this stuff resolved quickly. Like now. I'm tired of waiting and working for happiness. I want to get back to feeling like I am enjoying life -- a feeling I loved having for a while there. I know it's in my attitude. I know it's in my approach to life. I'm tired of feeling weighted.

I know I need to make changes.

But I'm not patient right now, and changes take time.