12 minutes

For the first time since the very first week in September, I ran outside today. My PT wanted me to run on the softer surface of the local high school track to see how my leg felt because tomorrow may be my last appointment with her. I didn't have the butterflies or nervousness that I had when I ran for the first time in PT after 4 weeks off -- I didn't worry if I would forget how to run, I didn't have that adrenaline surge from the thought of getting to run after such a long time off. What I did have was excitement. Hope. Anticipation.

And then I got to the track.

And so did the entire high school football team. And the cross-country team.

And I lost the excitement, hope and anticipation, and became self-conscious.

I've been resigned to the fact that I've gained some weight and my clothes aren't fitting so well. I just turned 39 a few days ago -- so I'm feeling older, too. Great combination. Put me out on a track, running slowly, for all these young kids to see me and I wanted to run out the gate.

But I didn't -- and I got the 3 intervals done. And my leg didn't hurt. And I got to breathe in the fresh air and appreciate the crisp temperatures.

And so, for the 12 minutes of running, while the entire football team and cross-country team watched, I was happy.

I get to run outside tomorrow.

Same interval-type run as what I've been doing in PT the past few sessions, but outside, by myself, on the track.

5 mins walking + 3x (4 mins run, 1 min walk) + 5 mins walking.

Small run.

Big deal.

I can't wait.

Progress! shhh...

Don't say anything out loud. In fact, forget you even read this when you're done.

I don't want to jinx it, but I might finally be seeing some progress with my leg.

SHHH!

Monday, I did 5 minutes of walking, then 3x 3 minutes of running at a 10 minute pace with 1.5 minutes of walking in between, then 5 minutes of walking. Leg felt good -- no pain, no tightness.

SHHH!

Today, at PT, I did 3 minutes walking, then 3x 4 minutes of running at a 10 minute pace with 1 minute of walking in between, then 3 minutes of walking. With NO pain, no tightness, no weak feeling in my leg! WooHoo!

I mean SHHHHHHHHHH!

See, today was the first day I really felt like maybe, just maybe, my leg might be getting better.
But if I say it out loud, I might jinx it. So, shhh...

10.10.10

Great date, huh? I heard today was supposed to be a good day for stuff -- relationships, luck, etc.

Well, it didn't affect me in the relationship realm. Or in the luck area. It was a beautiful day at the beach, though. And that was tough, too, because today was the LBI 18 Mile Run -- the race I PR'd in last year in my solid fall of training.

I didn't run today. I wanted to, and it was difficult to watch/hear everyone out there. But instead of just hopping from mile marker to mile marker with my parents in the car, I decided to make it my workout. On the bike.

I rode the length of the race today, sprinting ahead to cheer on some really fast friends, and then waiting for my sister, and then sprinting ahead, and then getting a breather while waiting for A. It's not that she was really slow -- she was running the race as part of her last long run, though, for MCM -- it was that the guys were really fast. Two of them were 3rd and 4th overall, the others finished in the top 30 I think.

It was tough to be on the sidelines. I cheered hard, though, and supported my people. And then, as I normally do, I took my last dip in the ocean for the season.

Though the air was cool, the ocean was warm. I was the only one in it. :) A good way to end a tough day on a unique date.

3 more weeks.

That's what the sports medicine doctor told me today in the follow-up appointment. Three more weeks of PT and Graston. Three more weeks of no running on my own.

He knows I walked on the TM and then walked/jogged (in short intervals) on the TM at therapy last week, and wants me to continue to progress with that under the PT supervision only. He wasn't mean, and he wasn't overly nice, but he was very matter-of-fact. He thinks I'm dealing with tendinopathy, and said his focus is to get me healthy and then back to running. Too soon, and I'll be dealing with this all over again.

Ok, ok. I get it.

I guess the good thing is that I get to run today (did 2 intervals of 2 minutes!) and Thursday this week, then Monday andThursday next week, then Monday, Wednesday and one more day the following week before I see Dr. Plut again on the 25th.

Yep, I'm counting the days/runs.

What if I forget?

My achilles has been feeling tight every morning this week when I get out of bed. I walk to the bathroom and hope it loosens up. I wonder why this week -- after all these weeks of no running, after all these sessions with the physical therapist -- I wonder why this week my achilles (not even my calf!) feels tight. I wonder, and I'm frustrated.

Someone suggested it might be because we're having a super-humid, rainy week. Someone else suggested it is my other muscles taking over for the ones that have been the focus.

Whatever it is, it's been making me wonder all week if I'll ever run again. And when I do, will I remember how?

Today, at PT, I got stretched, strengthened, scraped, and stretched again. I talked with my PT about my follow-up appointment with the sports med doc on Monday. And then my PT said, "Ok, let's get you on the treadmill." This wasn't news -- I'd walked on the TM for 10 minutes on Tuesday. But what K said next made my heart skip:

"We'll even get you running -- no, jogging -- for a little bit, too."

What!? Really!? Don't tease me. Seriously?

WAIT! What if I forget how to run? What if my arms don't work or I trip over my own feet? What if I lost my coordination? What if I look like Phoebe on Friends running down the street with my arms flailing all over the place!?

I was sweating, my heart was skipping, I felt like a kid on Christmas.

And I was nervous. My leg isn't 100%. I compare it to how the right leg feels -- which has zero problems -- and I know my left achilles/calf isn't 100%. I was nervous that my body wouldn't remember how to run, and I was hesitant to run when I knew I've been still feeling some tightness.

But my PT wanted to see how my leg reacted so she could send me to the doc on Monday with an update on my progress. So, like a kid trying out her new bike for the first time, I excitedly and with some trepidation made my way over to the treadmill.

I walked for 2 minutes, and my leg still felt some leftover crankiness -- not strong tightness, but something. But it didn't get worse. And then K came over and said, ok -- now let's jog for one minute.

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay! I get to jog! Ten minute pace, and it was pretty good. A little over a minute. Leg didn't get any worse -- still just a touch of crankiness.

And then I walked for 2 more minutes, and then I jogged for 2 more minutes. Leg actually felt better in this second run. Then I finished with 2 minutes of walking.

It may have only been a test, and it may have only been a few minutes, but I didn't forget. I didn't forget. It may have been slow, but I ran -- and I didn't forget how.

And in those few minutes I was happier than I've been in weeks.

Perseverence

Into the Wind: The Terry Fox Story was on ESPN tonight. I remember watching this story, and the original movie made about him, when I was little. It was amazing then, it's amazing now.

The ESPN show is moving. It's inspirational. It honors his perseverence. Catch the replay of it if you can on ESPN2 or ESPN classic.

My calf/achilles problem is a speedbump. I know that, even when it feels like my life is falling apart around me. Terry Fox ran on one leg for 3,339 miles in 143 days. In cotton shorts, socks, and t-shirts, I might add. Through the summer heat and humidity.

My problem is a speedbump, no matter how devastating it feels to me.

In the ESPN film, Terry says, "You hope and you pray that it'll work out for the best." For him, the cancer won -- but his work was recognized, appreciated, and valued. This is a story that should inspire perseverence in everyone.