Thoughts from the pillow...

One year ago today I wrote a reflection piece that was born out of thoughts I had while on a run. I shared it with some running friends, and I thought it would be interesting to dig it up today, a year later...

Thoughts from the pillow in the middle of the night...

I am single. I live alone. I am not a good sleeper.

In those moments of silence, when I’ve just put my head down on the pillow, or when I find myself awake in the middle of the night, I think.

I think about my 91-year-old grandmother, and the long life she’s lived.
I think about my young nieces and nephews and the life that is still ahead of them.
I think about my brother and sister and parents. I think about friendships. I think about deaths. I think about work, about house projects, about the crazy lady that lives below me.

I think about lost loves.

And I think about me.

I try to figure out what’s ok and what’s not ok with me. What I like and what I don’t like. I try to figure out how to better me.

I should do more volunteering. I should have more patience. I should stop my bad habit of needing something sweet after each meal. I should, I should, I should….

What do I do? I run. Not necessarily in the middle of the night, but I decide then, that’s what I will do. Running makes me better.

Running, really, came into my life about a year and a half ago. The truth is, it has always been in my life – my dad was a marathon runner and the race director of a local 18 mile race for 15 years while I was growing up. I was a recreational runner – just something to do for fitness – for a while. Then, after witnessing everyday-looking people completing an Ironman Triathlon, I decided I could do more than my three miles a day.

So I got fitted for shoes and started increasing my distance. Suddenly, I felt like I had a goal. A focus. This was something I couldn’t remember ever having before.

I remember running 5 miles without stopping for the first time. Then 6, then 7, then more. Each new milestone made me feel better. Each new distance was a new goal achieved. I ran my first distance race – a half marathon – and loved it. Then, after all the years of volunteering at the race my dad directed, I ran it for the very first time. I loved every step of those 18 miles. Another milestone, a little bit better…

I ran through the cold winter months, freezing my pigtails that poked out from under my hat, and listened to friends who didn’t understand what I was doing tell me to stop running so much. I listened, but I didn’t listen. They didn’t, and still don’t, understand that I have to run.

It makes me better.

People ask me all the time what I think about for all those hours I’m running. Too much, I tell them. Most of the time, I’m thinking about my body. What feels strong, what doesn’t. When I need to drink, or when I need to fuel. What that twinge is in my knee, or how low my heart rate feels.

Sometimes, though, I think about those things that swirl in my mind in the middle of the night from the pillow. I find my thoughts straying to the recent hospital visit for my grandmother, the fight I had with my sister, the most recent love lost...

And then, as if by magic, it’s time to make a turn, or take a sip. Or I catch a glimpse of the sun sparkling on the ocean, or a lone, puffy cloud against the rich, blue sky. And suddenly, I’m better.

I’ve found focus with running. I’ve set goals, and I’ve accomplished them. I’ve run two marathons and a triathlon. I've made new friends. I’ve inspired my twin sister to run, and we’ve run milestones together.

Running makes me better.

In those quiet moments, when I’m awake in the middle of the night, I think about all sorts of things. And I look forward to my run the next day.
__________________

So that was a year ago. I'm still not a great sleeper, but I think this year's running has helped my sleep get a little better. I still think about these things, but some with less weight than I did last year. I've certainly added to my number of races and variety of races I've done, and I gained new experiences this year that occupy my mind. I still need something sweet after my meals, but I did contribute more to charities this year. My sister is still running, and my grandmother is still with us.

I still think about things when I'm awake in the middle of the night, but today -- one year later -- I don't feel as weighted as I did when I wrote this.

Running has made me better.

Happy New Year, everyone. Here's to a wonderful 2009!

Running through town

I decided to do something different for my run today. I wanted to go at least 5, maybe 6 miles, but I thought I might take some pictures along the way. This would serve a couple purposes:

1) it would intentionally slow me down. (Or so I thought.) I have been running most of my miles lately without much regard for pace. I'm running comfortably, but probably in a zone that wasn't very beneficial to me. Junk miles. If I was taking pix along the way, I'd have to go slower, right?

2) it would give me something to contribute to my own blog, which, by default, would

3) give anyone who reads this blog a (sort of) glimpse into what I see on my runs some days.

So here we go:

I figured I should start by showing off my new running jacket (thanks, Mom and Dad!), but all this picture really shows is a Santa getting a peek at something... (what?! I didn't realize!)

This is the view from my deck, looking across to the road where I will start my run. I turned on the 305, let it link up with the satellite and the HRM, and made my way across the street.

As I head up that road, I cross a little creek. This area has the potential to be a really nice park area, but the town does NOTHING to keep the water/area clean. Such a shame.

Soon enough I'm heading past the street where my mom grew up, and then under the speedline,and then past the street where my dad grew up and the pool where he was the head lifeguard as a teen. (They think it's cool I am living in the town where they grew up!) The pic I took of the pool complex didn't come out clearly through the fence, though...

So then I headed up a long road and made a turn towards town. I passed the church where my parents were married, my sister and I were baptized, and my sister and BIL were married.
This is where I decided to extend my run a bit (I can keep track with the Garmin now!) and I headed to the hilly, rich part of town. This is the first hill I hit, a nice decline, which is the precursor to all the ups and downs I'll run over for the next 3ish miles. I run through the country club area and hit the steepest (but short) climb of the run so far. Alas, that pic didn't work, either. I tried to take it over my shoulder but all you see is my big ol' face. On we go... Finally, I hit the last real climb of the run - a three-tiered hill up to town: As I make my way into town, I pass the dinosaur that commemorates the fact that dino bones were found here in town:I stopped at the running store to grab a sip of water and say hello to the guys. Of course, I forgot to snap a pic here. They probably would have laughed at me anyway for it. At this point I have covered a little over 7 miles, and decide to make my way home via the park loop. I pass through town, past the high school my parents attended, and around to the park path.

A little less than a half mile from home, and finally I pass the ONLY water fountain there is when I run through town:

As I come to the end of this run, I end up right back where I started, to the left of the first picture from my deck...

I ran 9.5 miles total, and while my average pace wasn't as slow as I planned, I did have many miles of easy running. It was about 40* and windy (which made it feel a lot colder), but super clear and sunny, so it was one of those days where I could have just kept going and going. I didn't have anything else on the schedule for the day, so this was a great way to spend much of my morning!

I've been running.

I swear. 34 miles this week; 6 days in a row. I might take tomorrow off and swim instead. We'll see.

I just haven't felt like writing. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because I feel like I haven't had anything important to say.

I have lots on my mind:
*the extra weight I'm carrying right now (like 5ish pounds)
*the too-much drinking I've been doing (as in too many nights, NOT too-much alcohol/drunk)
*the need to decide on the next major race
*running with the Garmin 305 and the heart rate monitor
*my Christmas -- running on Christmas day in shorts, the gear I got, etc.
*New Years
*re-organizing my house

There's more, but I'll write about the stuff in more detail when I feel like I have something interesting to say.

In the meantime, I'll dig up some old writing I've done before starting this blog...

Seriously? An Age Group win?

So that 5k race I ran in the middle of my 12 miles on Saturday? The one where I didn't even run as fast as I could?

Yeah, apparently no one else in my age group did, either. I won the AG (35-39). By almost 4 minutes.

Seriously?

It wasn't even a fast race for me! The top two women in the next AG up beat me by more than 3 minutes! This is how I get my first AG win? Crazy.

I wonder what the prize was...

A long run, a short race, and a surprise visit

Yesterday was the day I planned to do my longer run of the week since I'd be working at the running store today.

I'm not training for anything at the moment (I need to figure that out!!!), but I've been doing a longer run of 10-12 miles on the weekends anyway. Yesterday was the Haddon Heart Run 5k, which I've run the past 2 years. It's just over 2 miles from my house, so I figured I'd run there, run the race, and then run the longer way home. I'd get about 10 miles, maybe 11, done. Good plan!

I spent Friday nite finishing my Christmas shopping, and got up early Saturday. It was a cold morning, so I was playing around with what I wanted to wear -- something warm enough to keep me comfortable on the longer time out there, but wearable for a 5k. As I was deciding, my phone rang. My dad woke up early and decided to grab a coffee and drive up to watch my race. He lives just over an hour away, but he was a marathoner and refers to himself as my coach, so this surprise visit didn't really surprise me...

He stopped by my house to make sure he knew where the race start was, reassured me that he knew I was doing my LR around the race and that he wouldn't get in the way of that, wished me luck and headed to the start. I ran there, and met up with him just in time to peel off one of my layers and point out a local Olympian who was running the race as well.

I wasn't planning on running all-out and shooting for a PR -- I haven't been doing any speedwork lately -- but I knew I wasn't going to take it too easy, either. The race started and I settled into a comfortable pace.

When I hit the first mile, I saw that I was running about an 8mpm pace. I did a check of my legs and breathing and decided this was fine to hold onto. Didn't really need to slow down, didn't need to speed up. Just right for today.

So I made my way to the finish -- 24:30ish -- and found my dad and my sister (who would've run the race were it not for an allergy attack!) and chatted with them for a couple minutes. Dad quickly pointed out I didn't want to get cool, so I should be on my way. He was going to run some errands and he'd meet me at my house in about an hour.

Off I went. Ran 4.5, then one more, then added one more mile home. In total, I ran just over 12 miles. A few moments later, Dad arrived. He helped me with some house stuff and then headed home.

Great way to get 12 miles done :)

I did it again.

In 34*, drizzly weather, I put on my capris, hat, and rain jacket (not the super big one this time) and set out for my run.

For the first 3 miles, I had freezing rain mini-balls pelting my face. I could see them bouncing off my jacket. It made me smile.

Then the freezing rain started to shift to snow. By the time I had about a mile left, the snow was falling like a heavy curtain. Big, heavy flakes. It made me giggle.

I ran 5 miles, and I did it at a pretty good pace. I was a bit wet by the end of this weird run, but it was a fun one.

5 pounds and drying out in the pool

That's what's on my mind today.

I had to weigh in for the no-weight-gain holiday challenge that Maggs is running. I was doing really well for a while, but obviously ate/drank too much this weekend, particularly at my friend's birthday celebration. I'm 5 pounds heavier today than I was on the morning I ran the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of October. I am 2.5 pounds heavier than one week ago, even though I ran a 12 miler and 3 miler this weekend. :( grrr...

Since I'm feeling heavy these days, I made myself go to the gym and swim some laps in the pool, even though today is usually a rest day for me. I also did about 45 minutes of walking/stretching/core work with my Fitness Club kids after school.

So I got to the gym hoping the high mineral levels in the pool had leveled out. Last time I swam I felt like my mouth/tongue/skin were super dry for days. Although it seemed a tiny bit better, I still couldn't stand being in there for too long. If it's not better in another week, I'm going to give the gym people hell. The swim was good, but shorter than I'd have liked.

And after all that, I still feel heavy, and now I'm all dried out and smelling like the pool...

"You're crazy"

I did not sleep last night. I was tired ALL day. It has been pouring rain since yesterday evening. The temp has dropped about 20* in 24 hours.

I could not wait to leave work and go for a run.

It was about 40* and raining buckets when I got home. I pulled my biggest running rain jacket out of the closet, threw on my capris and a couple shirts, my shoes, my hat, and my gloves, and headed out.

My jacket and capris were soaked within minutes.
My feet were soaked through within the first mile.
There were so many deep puddles, I had to run slowly to watch my footing.
The rain was strong through the first 3 miles, tapered to a light rain in mile 4, barely a drizzle by mile 5, and stopped shortly thereafter.

I wished it hadn't.

For an hour, I didn't care what I looked like.
For an hour, I didn't think of much besides my footing.
For an hour, I didn't care how slowly I was running.
For an hour, I enjoyed the raw nature around me.

I didn't run fast, I didn't run hard.
I didn't look at my watch.

I was soaked, I was invigorated, I enjoyed every step.

It was a great hour.

And to top it all off, a friend saw me running and sent me a message later that said, "I saw you running in the cold rain. You're crazy."

:D

4:30am, again.

I wasn't entirely sure I'd get up at 4:30 again today to run, but with heavy rains and big winds supposedly sweeping through this afternoon, it seemed like a good idea. We were having our huge feast at work today, so there was another good reason to run early -- running after eating all day wouldn't be fun. AND, I had Fitness Club after school, so I wouldn't get home until later. Then my sister said she would text me if she was up at 4:30 and she'd run with me. Ok -- all these things pointed to getting up early as a good plan.

'Cept I wasn't sure I wanted to get up early again. So I didn't set the alarm. I figured if my sister texts, I'll get up. If I wake up on my own, I'd get up. If not, I'll make the run happen later.

Don't you know she sent me a text at 4:37am?! "Getting dressed."

"Really?" I replied. I was surprised. Then the reality hit that I needed to get out of bed and get dressed, too.

She was at my house by 5, we donned all the reflective and blinky stuff I have, and I put on my new headlamp. And shorts -- it was 60* this morning! Awesome!

We did a couple miles around my development and then took the 3 mile park loop to finish up. As I showered and headed to work, I realized, again, how glad I was to get the run done in the morning. It just makes me feel better through the day.

Well, it also makes me tired at about 4:30 in the afternoon, too. I actually fell asleep answering email this evening. That's ok - it was a rainy, windy day anyway -- perfect for a short nap :)

I'm actually a little disappointed I have 6 on my mind to do tomorrow -- That's a tight squeeze to get done before work, so I'll do them when I get home. I guess that means I get to sleep in until 5:30am!

4:30 am wake-up

For the first time in a long time, I got up at 4:30 am for a run. I miss doing that, actually. I always feel good getting my run done before starting the stuff I have to do that day.

I wasn't sure I'd have a chance to run after work today, so I got up, packed all my stuff to shower and head right to work from the gym, grabbed my lunch, and was running shortly after 5am. I'll admit I'm not taking to the TM well yet. It's been soooooo long since I've run on a treadmill (since I almost passed out doing speedwork last spring!) and I'm not comfortable with it yet. The pace seems off, my legs seem off, it just doesn't feel great.

But I got 4 miles done and then got showered and dressed for work. And then I realized I left something at home that I needed for work. Rats!

Somehow I was able to swing by the house AND stop for coffee and a breakfast sandwich AND still get to work by 7am -- just in time :)

14 miles and a swim

That's what I did this weekend.
(Well, besides some Christmas shopping, marathon coffee session with Fitness Guy, nephew time, night out in Philly, and laundry.)

Ran an 11 miler yesterday. Aimee jumped in with me for a bit. Not sure why, but my legs felt this run more than they should have -- not so much during, but after. Maybe it's because I was dealing with a head cold all week, maybe it's because I ran a lot of hills this week, maybe it's because I just haven't been as good about my stretching. Probably all of the above. I was tired, too; after showering and getting some food, I accidently napped for a short bit.

Met up with friends for dinner and drinks last night in Philly, and then took my time getting out of bed this morning. I've kind of enjoyed getting my LR done on Saturday so I can enjoy my Sunday mornings a bit more. After some coffee and a light breakfast, I went to the (jump-rope, balance board, exercise band-free -- grr!) gym and did a solid 3 miles on the treadmill and then jumped in the pool.

I haven't swam since the Endless Summer Tri at the end of September -- and that was in the 6 foot waves of the rough ocean. Although the pool had high mineral levels due to some maintence last week (they swore it was safe to swim in!), which were a bit overpowering and gross, I got a bunch of laps done -- nice and easy -- and it felt really good. I'm only a little concerned that my mouth/tongue and skin still smell like the pool and feel dry, even after showering, and I'm hoping those high mineral levels even out in the next few days so I can get in the pool again soon.

Not a bad weekend.

I need a few things

Today I needed a good 6 miles. (For the record, they ended up pretty good.)

While I was running, I needed my legs to not feel so heavy.
I needed to not feel like I had 10 extra pounds on me.

I need some direction in my running. I'm not sure what paces are appropriate for me anymore. I'm not sure what my next goal race should be, and what I should focus my training on.

While I'm at it, I need some new clothes. I hate clothes shopping, and much of what I have has been in my closet since I was a size 8.

I need someone to come in and clean my house. I hate doing that stuff.

I need to drink more water. I haven't been drinking enough lately.

I need more sunlight. I'm going to work in the dark and getting home with maybe an hour of daylight left.

I'm sure I could list a whole bunch of other things I need. And if I really think about it, most of this list consists of wants, not needs. I realize that.

But today, I feel like I need these things.

The new gym

kinda sucks.

Ok, it's cheap -- like, $25 a month -- so I should understand what I bought into:

* the treadmills are old. I can't program anything in (like speed intervals), can't pause them, etc.
* the club opens at 5am, but I can't swim in the pool until 6am -- which means I can never get a swim workout in before work
* even though it's close -- 2 miles -- to my house, it takes twice as long (just under 10 minutes) to get there as my old gym did (also 2 miles away) because of where it is and all the traffic lights on the way.
* the parking lot is always packed and it's not well lit at night. shady.
* there are plenty of cardio machines, but to be distracted from the monotony of the TM, I have to watch one of the tv's hanging from the ceiling that I can't even hear. I can't even plug earphones into the TM and listen -- only two tv's have sound, and those are ones I need to tune my old-school walkman radio to the appropriate channel to, to link up to the audio.
* so far, I can't seem to find any balance boards, jump ropes, or exercise bands. Sooner or later, I'll ask about 'em, but I haven't seen anyone with them yet, so I'm not holding out much hope.

I'm sure there's more to note, but I've only been there twice. I'm sort of forcing myself to go when I have a shorter run to do because if I go 120 times in the year, I'll get money back from my insurance company toward my membership. I'd much rather be running outside, though. I do think it will be good to get in the pool this winter, so I'll use it for that, definitely.

For $25 a month, it'll do. It'll serve its purpose.

Long holiday weekend...

After taking Monday and Tuesday off after the HM, I was back at it the rest of the week:
*4 mi Wednesday
*5 hilly mi Thursday, then I proceeded to drink an entire bottle of wine myself, while enjoying a day-long feast at my parents' house, along with some football and soccer with my brother, sister, SIL and neices and nephews
*5 mi at the shore Friday
*9.5 mi (LR) Saturday, with a break early in to spectate and cheer on friends in a 5k

Then I joined the new gym. I got a good deal, so my infrequent trips there won't make me feel guilty. I will continue to do the majority of my running outside, but I wanted the option of taking it in when the weather gets nasty during the winter. This gym also has a pool, so I really don't have any excuses for not getting some swimming in before summer.

But I took today off from working out. I did some core work and stretching, but the rest of my physical activity took the form of overdue housework.

It was a long holiday weekend, but in a way, I almost feel like this whole week was a diversion from my normal routine. I know I've gained about 3 pounds, and that's frustrating. I've gotta get my focus back, drop the extra pounds, and set a schedule for my runs this week. Then I've got to decide what my next goal is -- I'm not good without a plan to follow.

Back at it tomorrow...

Philadelphia Half Marathon 2008

This has been a long fall racing season for me. I’ve had some good races – my Endless Summer Tri and the Marine Corps Marathon, and I had a rough race – the LBI 18 miler. I’ve run a lot, and after MCM, I was feeling really ready for a rest.

But I had one more race to run. I had registered for the Philadelphia Half Marathon, mainly because I’d have running friends in town and I knew I’d want to be running something that day. It wasn’t going to be a goal race, so I figured I’ll just take it easy and enjoy the day…

The weekend started with a trip to the expo where I got to meet Chris, one of my online running friends and a pacer for the Clif Bar pace team, for the first time. Fantastic! My sister and I wandered around and bought some supplies, and headed home with full bags of fun stuff. Later, I met up with my good friends, Lori and Maureen, for dinner and a chance to catch up.

Saturday brought a chance for a brief and COLD pre-race shake-out jog with some of the guys at the second annual Schwetty Balls Run. Larry and I enjoyed a leisurely pace, while Chris, Tom, and Walt sped on ahead. We all took note of how windy and cold it was, and hoped Sunday would be a bit more comfortable.

The whole group gathered at Ralph’s for dinner, and had a great evening of stories, pasta, and yummy desserts. We said our goodnights and planned on our morning meeting spot.

Sunday morning arrived early and I forced a bagel and cup of applesauce and part of a banana down and finally decided what to wear in the low-20* weather for the race. I picked up my sister and headed to Philly. After finding a parking spot close to the start/finish, we made a pit stop and headed to the pre-race meet-up with my friends. We all huddled together, shook off some pre-race nerves, and wished each other good luck.

My sister and I headed to drop off our bags and throw some extra stuff in the car, and then make our way to the start with a quick stop by the 3:10 pace group to wish Chris a good race.

Soon enough, the race started and the marathoners were off. We were in wave one, but on the HM side, and there seemed to be a little confusion about delaying our side’s start. People started moving just a short time later, and as we crossed the starting mat, we heard the announcers fumbling through their own confusion. “I guess those half-marathoners are ready to get their own race started!” was one thing we heard, and I commented to my sister that I hoped they had started our side’s timing mat! (This may play into things later.)

As we made our way through the early miles, the crowd was thick and it was tough to set a pace. I knew we were running comfortably, but I couldn’t tell our pace since the mile 1 marker seemed off. We started peeling off some throwaway layers and settling in. As we ran up Columbus Blvd, I spotted the fire truck supporting Larry’s 4 in 4 fundraising challenge and yelled his name and waved. The firemen cheered and waved as we went by.

We wound our way through the streets of Philly and took note of the cold, the slippery water stops, the crowds, the pace, and the incline. I had run this route last year in the full marathon, and didn’t remember feeling the incline and the hills in this first half like I was feeling as we ran our way through the first 8 miles today. I checked in periodically with my sister, reminded her that our plan was for either of us to move on ahead whenever we felt ready, and agreed with her that we were holding a challenging, but good, pace for that day.

I could go on and on about my fingers, as always, really feeling the cold (despite 3 layers of gloves), the guy in the full-on spiderman costume running near us much of the way, the shouts of, “Look! They’re twins!” as my sister and I passed by people (we are twins, but we had also unintentionally dressed similarly), and the countless times we mentioned how glad we were that we were only running 13.1 instead of 26.2 in the cold today. Instead, I’ll say that as we approached mile marker 9, I knew we were working hard, but I also knew we were looking at a PR pace (both of us have a HM PR of 1:58:14) and if we could just hold on through the climb into Fairmount Park, we’d be ok.

That climb into the park was tough, but we kept on going. As we hit mile 10, I knew we were almost home. Less than a 5k left! We rode down the hill out of the park and onto West River Drive and headed to the Art Museum. I’ve run this loop a ton of times, so I reminded my sister that except for the little climb up to the circle, the rest of our run was going to be flat. We stayed steady until about mile 11ish, picked things up just a little, then made our way up to the circle. Once we were up there, we turned it on. We cruised around the circle, glanced to the bleachers to try to locate my friends, and crossed the line side by side.

By our watches, we finished somewhere in the 1:52:02 area. I stopped my watch after crossing the timing mat. A 6+ minute PR! We got our medals, some food, a pic, and changed out of our sweaty clothes. My sister got a ride home with friends, and I made my way to our cheering section with Lori, Heather, Maria, and Maya -- my running friends sidelined by injuries or other reasons -- by the finish.

The race itself was great, but I really enjoyed getting the opportunity to cheer on my fellow racers the rest of the morning. I got to see Matt and Moe finish their HM’s, Chris bring in his group on time (as always! Machine!), and Missy, Dan, Walt, and Larry finish their 26.2 waving and looking great. Alexis was right near me at the HM finish, so I didn't see her until we were both in the stands. My friend TJ was also running the full, and while he didn't run the BQ time he wanted, he did finish with a huge PR and a fantastic 3:19:xx.

One of the best moments of the day was watching Tom hammer in with his 2:49:something marathon debut. I had tears in my eyes, I was so happy for him and proud of him!

After much cheering and catching up in the stands, we scattered to shower and meet up at the bar. That was just as much fun!

It is interesting to note that my chip time was listed Sunday as 1:51:59, but today is showing 1:52:8 . I’m not sure what’s up with that, but other people in wave 1 are seeing somewhere around 9 seconds added to their time as well… That’s definitely a handful of seconds slower than my watch time, but it’s still a solid PR, so… I also finished in the top 1000 of the 5000+ HM runners! (I'd post the place, but that keeps changing each time I look...)

This was a fun, unexpectedly good race for me. I didn't expect my tired legs to run as strongly as they did. My sister and I both agree we couldn’t have run any better, so that’s a great feeling – capping off a wonderful weekend with friends!

1:51:59

A 6+ minute PR!

Huh. Who would've thunk it?!

Aim and I ran together the whole way. We both agree we couldn't have run any better today.

Cool. I'll write up more later, but now I need to get showered and meet my friends at the bar for some food and beers!

Night before a half...

I'm running the Philadelphia Half Marathon tomorrow.

It's going to be cold.

I haven't done any speedwork since before the MCM, except to throw some tempo miles in the middle of a short run this past week.

I haven't been really excited about my running for the past few weeks, but I think I've figured out why, so I'm not too worried about that.

Figuring out what to wear is ridiculous. How do you dress for a race that will take you (hopefully) just shy of 2 hours to complete when the temperature will feel like 17* at the start and actually barely even hit 30* by the time you finish? How do you get it right? You'll either overdress and be uncomfortable (or throw away stuff you hadn't intended to) or you'll underdress and be uncomfortable (and seriously contemplate picking up stuff you see that someone else threw away -- or actually do it).

I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow. I really don't care about how I do -- I haven't trained to race this one -- but I'd like to come in under 2 hours.

It's gonna be cold.

New stuff and running in the dark

I stopped and picked up a new pair of Nike capri running tights today at REI. They aren't exactly what I wanted, but they were on sale, and I needed a new pair. I'm still searching for the perfect ones, though. I'm short, so the length is sometimes funny, especially since I always buy a size or so up with tight shorts or capris because I don't like all my rear-end jiggly stuff to be so pronounced. I also like the capris to have a bit of form or structure to them to make me feel like they are holding me together. It's helpful if they have a zipper pocket or at least a foldover pocket to hold a gel or lifesavers or a car key. Capris have become my favorite cold-weather go-to instead of pants. I think I only wore long pants a handful of times last winter. Hence, my search for the perfect pair continues...

I also picked up some blinky lights and a headlamp at the running store the other day. I'm not sure I'm comfortable running in the nighttime yet, but on days like today, when I get home too late to get the full run in in the daylight, these things will come in handy.

I set out for about 5 miles, all geared up with my reflector thingy that looks like the thing I wore for safety patrol in grade school and my blinky lights. I decided it wouldn't be dark enough for very long in my run to break out the headlamp. Um, I was wrong.

About 2 miles into my run, it was pretty dark. By the middle of mile 3, it was pitch black -- and there weren't any streetlights where I was running. Rats. This wasn't in the plan. There were enough cars driving by on the road that I didn't feel nervous or anything, but I could have been running with my eyes closed. Couldn't see where I was running at all. Great.

As I made my way back to my house, I was tentative with each step. I did not want to roll another ankle or trip on a curb. But I was also thinking how cool it was to start another run in the daylight that finishes in the complete darkness. It's neat to be out there while the sun is setting -- and to run through the end of the day.

It hurts, it doesn't hurt...

Did about 9.5 miles yesterday morning. Cool, crisp, sunny morning. Nice. Ran with my sister and did a route similar to the 12 miler on Monday. My foot was hurting pretty bad this weekend --ok, that probably had something to do with staying out 'till 2am, drinking lots and lots of beer and dancing all night with the guys from the running store on Friday night -- but luckily, it didn't bother me in my running too much. Of course, I rolled my ankle again. That's happened EVERY single time I've run this week. Stupid inches and inches of leaves covering the ground!

So I saw the chiropractor today about the foot. I was pretty sure it wasn't a bone out of place or anything like that, but I knew that the electrical stimulation thingy they've used on my foot and ankle before worked really well, so I figured that was worth the visit alone. I like my doc. He works with many of the local pro athletes, like the 76ers. He's funny. Anyway, since I pay the same co-pay regardless of what the doc does, when he started adjusting my back, I figured what the hell. Straighten me out! He then worked on my foot, did the laser and electrical thing, and sent me on my way. My foot didn't feel 100%, but I did feel taller! :D

I'll put some miles in tomorrow and see how the foot does. It seems to bother me more in my regular walking around than it does mid-run, which is weird. Sometimes I barely notice it while running, even though it was bad before the run...

It hurts, it doesn't hurt...

Things aren't right...

It's dark early. Grr. My day, which is primarily spent in a windowless classroom, feels shorter because of the lack of daylight I get to experience.

I'm not sleeping as much as I should. Grr. I'm yawning and tired during the day, but yet I can't seem to feel tired enough to fall asleep at a decent hour.

I've gained about 2 or 3 pounds in the past two weeks. Grr. I was, without even trying, holding to just under 120 pounds through all of October. Now I'm consistently around 121-122. I know it doesn't sound like much, but at 118-119, I felt good about my weight. Now I'm worried about moving back towards where I was. If I'm not careful, I'll inch up to 125 again, then who knows -- I might even hit 128 again. I know it won't really happen if I keep running, but I used to weigh a lot more than I do, and I don't want to be that uncomfortable in my own body again. I know it won't happen if I keep running, but...

I'm not as hard-core about my running these days. Grr. I know it's just my body telling me that after a long season of triathlons and road races, including an 18 mile race and a marathon, I need a break, but it scares me a little. I can't afford to NOT run a lot. I'll fall out of the habit, I'll gain weight, I'll feel like a blob. I can't afford NOT to run, because running keeps me out of trouble. It keeps me from drinking a lot with my friends. It keeps me from being lazy. It keeps my brain occupied and focused. It gives me purpose.

Things aren't right right now. I know how strange this whole entry sounds because of my really good run on Monday, but that run feels like the exception these days. I know this is probably just temporary. I know much of it is probably related to the lack of sunshine and daylight. I am powered by the sun. I know I am still running, and I know I will keep running. But things aren't right, and it's uncomfortable.

Veteran's Day

Today is a day to honor the men and women who have served our country -- those who are veterans of war.

My grandfather was a veteran of WWII. I thought of him today, and I thought of all those who have sacrificed for our country. I wore my American flag charm around my neck, and I had my students write letters of thanks to the men and women in our military.

Thank you to all our veterans. Thank you to those men and women serving today.

It wasn't supposed to be that easy...

After a long day of travel on Sunday and getting home at 10:30pm, then getting back into the swing of a 5:30am wake-up call and teaching middle schoolers, plus the weird pain in my left foot hanging around, I set out for a longer run when I got home from work yesterday. I really wasn't wasn't sure how it would go...

I was tired, my foot still hurt a bit, and I knew it would start to get dark by the end of my run. I took small water bottle, ate two shot blocks, and headed out the door. In shorts and a long sleeved T with a tank underneath, I thought I'd be fine. I guess my body wasn't used to the chilly wind after being in the caribbean for a bunch of days, because I never quite warmed up well. Half a mile in, I rolled my left ankle. Bad. Whoa. Can I continue? Yep, seems I can. Huh. Maybe rolling the ankle dispersed the weird pain in that foot -- or just masked it with the pain in the ankle. Cripes, maybe I'll only do 10 instead of the 12 I'd mapped out.

A mile in, I start to run smoothly. I notice how clear and crisp it is outside today. I notice how easily I'm running, and I force myself to slow down a little. I don't really look at my watch, but I know I'm running a little faster than this run should be done. I'm comfortable, though, so I don't worry about it much.

By 3 or 4 miles in, I'm really enjoying the run. It's all coming together, I'm floating along, and with the exception of still feeling cold and wishing I had a warmer top (or at least gloves) I'm feeling good.

By mile 5 I'm starting to hit the hilly part of the route I mapped out. This is part of the running store loop. I know my daylight is disappearing, and I'm concerned about getting out of this back part of town -- it's hilly and not well-lit -- before dark. I keep moving along. I still feel really good. How can this be? I'm tired. My foot's hurt. Right?

I climb up those hills, feeling the power in my legs and remembering how those hills helped me run well on the hills at MCM. I soak it in. It's getting dark, but I'm climbing the last hill and making my way back into town. I still have about 4 miles to go, but I can do those on the sidewalks, so it's ok that the sun has set. My legs are still moving, and I'm almost giggling as I realize how good I'm feeling. Don't jinx it! You aren't home yet!

As I make my way around the park, I start taking inventory and storing notes about this run in my mind. You can run well, even after a long day of work. You can run well, even after a few days off. You can run well, even when you think you won't.

I finish the last few miles in the pitch dark. Dangerous, because I don't have reflective stuff on (it got darker quicker than I planned!). Dangerous, because I can't really see what's under all those leaves that are covering the path and I've already rolled my ankle once today. Satisfying, because I have covered so many miles that I started in the daylight and I'm still running now, in the dark.

When I finish the last mile, mile 12, with two loops around my development, I realize I really could keep going. I don't want to stop, but I know I should. I soak in the good feelings this run brought. I'm thankful for this run.

I felt invigorated. I felt accomplished. I felt lucky to have had this run. It wasn't supposed to be that easy...

Mini vacation...

I was able to jet down to the Turks and Caicos for about 5 days and get my face in the sun and my butt in the ocean.

Perfect medicine.

My cold is gone, my body is recovered (sort of - more on that later), my being re-set. My cheeks are sun-kissed. I read a book, ran a little, swam a little, drank wine and ate good food.

And I got to spend some good, quality time with my brother -- the most prized benefit of this trip, by far.

It's been a week...

And while I didn't mean to let a week go by without posting, it's been a crazy one and I just haven't had a chance to write out all the stuff I'm thinking... So, look forward to some upcoming posts about running without a watch, what I'm doing between now and the Philly HM in 3 weeks, what I learned at MCM, balancing running with a social life with my (non-running) friends, and more...

It's been a week, and today I was on the other side of a race. I worked a water stop at a local 10k that the running store where I worked this summer sponsored. I had a blast with my coworkers today -- cheering everyone on and getting them water was really fun. I got to cheer on a few friends and my sister, too. My sister ran her very first 10k, and her first race that I wasn't running, too. She did great! 51:07 was her chip time!

Of course I was excited for her, and wanted to hear all the details from the running side. This is a race I've had my eye on for the past few years, but I've never been able to do it because of other distance races around the same time. Now here's where this post gets tricky. I know she has read my blog, and so there's a good chance she'll read this....

When I heard her time, I was excited for her, and then a little jealous that she seems to have gotten the natural runner genes that I didn't get. I work hard at my running; she only puts in about half the time I do, and yet always seems to run fast. Naturally, I wondered how well I'd do in a 10k -- I've never raced one.

So I set out for my run this afternoon, and planned on about 6 or 7 miles. By the end of the first mile, I thought about running hard to see if I could pull off a time close to hers for the 6.2. So I pushed it. It didn't hurt, and I really didn't pay attention to my watch, but I knew I was running harder than I should a week out from the marathon. Let's see what happens, is what kept running through my head.

Ok, so the distance wasn't certified, and I did have to stop twice briefly for red lights/traffic, but when I hit what I thought was the 6.2 mark, my watch said 51:01. Huh. Maybe I could hang with her in a 10k. Turns out when I g-mapped the run, I hit the 6.2 mark a little before where I thought it was, so I suppose that means I would've come in just under 51.

Not that it matters, really. I know running is an individual thing. It just sticks in my head sometimes that it seems to come so easy to her, and not to me. I really am happy for her that she had a great race today. There isn't anything she said she would've changed about the race, and that's a great feeling.

No rush, no pressure -- MCM 2008

In a conversation with my friend Maria the week before MCM, she said, "No rush. No pressure." That wasn't in relation to running, but I immediately adopted that as my mantra for the race. It's no secret that I've been fighting myself in these distance races recently. I put too much pressure on myself to better my times, and I end up having terrible races.

About a year and a half ago, I registered for MCM with the intention of running it to experience it -- not for time. My grandfather was a Marine, and I thought it would be a really cool marathon to run. I deferred that registration when I decided to run Philly last year, so I automatically knew MCM would be my fall race for 2008. Fast forward to last week...

I've been dealing with a head cold for a little while now, and all last week I was lacking energy, lacking quality sleep, and dealing with a stuffy head and sore throat. My running was ok, but my energy was low, and I wasn't into eating all that much. I kept reminding myself that MCM was just for the experience, and even if I felt terrible on race day, I could take it easy and just make my way through the run, taking it all in.

I drove down to D.C. with my parents -- my dad, a former marathoner, and my mom, a constant supporter -- and checked out the course a little, the start/finish area, the metro I'd be taking in the morning, checked into the hotel, and went to the expo. I never really ate lunch. Uhoh. Truthfully, I didn't even feel like eating. Stupid sore throat. Later, I forced some soup and a baked potato and a little bit of pasta in me, and enjoyed a dinner out with an old friend of my parents'.

I headed to bed and watched the start of the Phillies game, but fell asleep quickly. Oddly, I woke up around 1:30am, turned on the tv, and perfect timing! The game was in the bottom of the 9th! I got to see the Phillies win, and then got a little bit more sleep before waking up to prep for the race.

I made sure my Papa and my friend Frank were in my thoughts all day:

I showered, got dressed, and forced a little food in me (I even had a couple pancakes since Dan swears by them on race morning!). We headed to the metro, and had no trouble getting to the start area in time to meet my friend Larry. On the metro, I met a woman named Jodi who was running the race. We talked a bit, but I lost her near the bag check area. I found Larry just fine and snapped a pic before we walked to the start area:

It was quite a walk from the metro to the runner's village to the start, but we had plenty of time. I even checked out the Brooks VIP bathrooms! :) Larry and I settled in to the left corral side and waited for the start. Soon enough we were shedding all those throwaway clothes, waving to my parents up on the hill, hearing the cannon start the race, and making our way forward.

It is important for me to note, that at this point, I felt no nerves. My stomach was fine, I was comfortable, and Larry and I both had the intention of running slowly and enjoying the day. Great!

We laughed as we made our way through the start and noticed that those of us who lined up on the left had a little hill in the beginning that those on the right did not. Oh well. We made our way through Rosslyn and the first few miles just fine -- the hills were noticeable, but I was glad to have them early in the race, rather than later. We ticked off miles, shed more of our layers and marveled at the crowd support, and soon enough we were crossing the Key Bridge.

Entering the Georgetown area, we were able to see some of the lead runners pass us as they headed the other direction. We made our way through the next few miles and noticed runners ahead of us up on a ridge -- one we'd have to climb shortly -- and one that I'd notice my legs felt really good as we went up.

I had started my watch as we crossed the starting line, but I had tape over it and my arm warmers covering it so I wasn't able to see the time the whole day. I wasn't concerned about the time, but I did check in with Larry (who was wearing a Garmin) periodically to see how we were doing. His legs weren't 100%, and at times I felt like I was going faster than he'd planned, so I'd reel it in. He told me we were running about 10mpm pace, or running about a 4:15 marathon time, and that's all I knew about our pace through the whole day.

So we made our way through Georgetown, and coming up after mile 10, I knew I'd probably see my parents. Whoa. The crowds were so thick with people that I almost got dizzy trying to find my dad's red hat. Truthfully, I got choked up several times in this race, just taking in the cheering crowds. Really awesome support. I saw my mom and dad and gave them a big smile and tossed my gloves to them. Didn't stop, but gave them a thumbs up and off we went to head into the Hains Point area.

People said this course change was a good one -- to have us go through this area earlier in the race because it's quiet and fewer people along the way. Maybe it was because I was with Larry, or maybe it was just nice to run along the river, but I enjoyed this "down" time. It was peaceful, and I kept noticing how good I felt. As we crept up to the halfway point, Larry knew he was slowing down a little, and I was still feeling good, so we started talking about me going ahead. I told him I wasn't ready yet -- I'd wait till we saw our families around mile 16 or so.

I refilled my water bottle at the halfway point, making sure to thank all the men and women in uniform (which I'd do many times throughout the day). We made our way out of Hains Point and headed around the National Mall. Again I found my mom in the crowds around mile 16, grabbed a cloth from her to wash off my face, but never stopped. Gave her a big smile so she knew I was doing well, and we kept moving. By now, I realized I was ready to move on ahead, so just before the 17 mile marker I thanked Larry for making the first 17 miles so good and we said we'd meet at the finish. Off I went. Legs were feeling great!

As I ticked off the next few miles around the Mall, I noticed I was passing people. I still wasn't looking at my watch, but I did stay comfortable in my pace. I never pushed it -- my head cold and lungs probably made it feel like tougher work anyway -- and I wanted to continue to feel good through the end. It wasn't going to be a PR day, so who cares what my time was. As I ran around the monuments and smiled for the cameras, I was mezmerized by the amount of people out to support the runners -- the Marines AND the regular folks. Amazing. I hit the 20 mile marker and realized I was 6 miles away from finishing this marathon, and I was passing people. Cool.

I made my way up and over the bridge into Crystal City, and I noticed so many people stopping to work out cramps in their legs. I recalled how frustrating that was for me in my last two distance races, and was thankful for my strong legs today. Still running comfortably, I shed my arm warmers and stopped again briefly in Crystal City to refill the water. I should note that at this point, I had stopped/walked only 3 times, briefly, to fill the bottle. No other stopping or walking in the run. I took my enlyten strips, and took a gel every hour, and felt good.

Running through Crystal City, I thought about my 5 mile loop at home. That's all I had left. I smiled at the people offering dixie cups of beer. I smiled at the cute guy with the big sign that said "git -er - done." I yelled to Larry as I passed him going the other direction around mile 23. I only had a 5k left, and I still felt good. My legs were tiring, my left knee a little wonky, but I knew I'd finish ok.

As I made my way through the tunnel and around the Pentagon, I hit mile 25 feeling like my legs were ready for this to be over, but there was no way I could stop now. I kept a slow, steady pace and after what seemed like the longest mile, there was the crowd and the hill up to Iwo Jima.

Suddenly, I felt like I was going to puke. Uh oh. I can't do that at the finish! What's going on? Maybe it was my cold, maybe it was my body shutting down, maybe it was the excitement. I don't know, but I walked a few steps up that last hill and then jogged my way to the finish line, hands raised as I crossed.

I did it. I ran well, albeit slow, and I finished feeling accomplished. I veered over to the barrier, collected myself and said a little thanks to my Papa, and made my way through the finish area.

I collected my space blanket, a water, and then my medal from various

Marines. I looked each one in the eye and said a heartfelt thanks. I got my picture taken in front of the memorial and made my way over to find my parents. After borrowing a cell phone or two, and making my way out of the craziness of the finish area, I finally found them.

Hugs, congrats, and we made our way thru the festival to the metro where we ran into two other running friends, Lloyd and Andrea, and then whoa! There was Jodi, getting on the same metro we were. Weird! We talked all about the race on the ride back to the station, said our goodbyes and headed in opposite directions. What a cool way to end the day.

This was, by far, an even cooler experience than I could have imagined. Running without the pressure of time allowed me to take everything in and really enjoy the day. This was a fantastic marathon, and the crowd support along the way was incredible. A spectacular day.

A great day...

Just a quick check-in:

Ran the Marine Corps Marathon today. Ran slow for the first 17 miles, took it all in and really enjoyed the day. Finished in 4:23:28. My slowest marathon yet, but I don't care. The course was great, albeit a bit challenging, the crowd support was incredible, and the marines were a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

I will write up a detailed report later, but now I need some mint chocolate cookie frozen yogurt and sleep. Oh, and the Phillies game!

Papa

My maternal grandfather was a Marine. He served in WWII. I called him Papa, and I only knew him for a few short years. He died of a massive heart attack when I was 8 years old.

He was the coolest. I remember swimming in the ocean with him. I remember the smell of his cigars. I remember walking around the block at the shore house to go get fresh, homemade banana ice cream. Yum. I remember always laughing and being happy around him. And I remember the one and only time he got cross with my sister and I -- because of something with my little brother.

I miss him. I feel like I was robbed. I often wonder what my life would have been like had he lived longer and been more of an influence in my world.

I stopped at his grave on my way home from work today. I do that from time to time. It is marked with a small stone, with his name, U.S. Marine Corps, and his birth and death dates. I talked to him for a moment, and asked him to look over me on Sunday -- to be there with me and remind me to take it all in, look around and thank the men and women in uniform, enjoy the day.

No rush, no pressure. That's my mantra for Sunday. I will be thinking about my Papa, I will be thinking about my friend FXC (also a former Marine), and I will be taking it all in. I've been feeling less than healthy all week, and I'm not expecting a fast time. I'm not planning on it. I'm not thinking about my time.

Run with me on Sunday, Papa. I'll be thinking about you.

Packing

I hate it. I'm not good at it. I usually either overpack, or I realize when I get to my destination that I packed wrong.

I've got all my race stuff together. Including about 4 different tops. Not sure what I'm going to end up wearing on race day. The weather forecast is in the middle. Not warm enough to warrant a full T back tank, but not cool enough for sleeves. I'm thinking arm warmers and either a sleeveless or short sleeve top. I'm taking a bunch. This trip, I'll overpack AND realize at some point that I packed wrong...

Unpacking when I get home is even worse. I'm not good at putting stuff away.

*sigh*

Countdown

5 miles run today

4 full days till the marathon

3 more days of work

2 of my biggest supporters travelling to D.C. with me

1 hope for the day...

Catching up

I've had a cold/sore throat/stuffy head thing working the past few days, but I had a SUPER FUN night in the city with my friends Friday and a good fall weekend.

Dinner/drinks in Philly:

(Um, yes, that's a lot of wine on the table!)

Then a great run on Saturday (after a night of drinking -- who knew?!) where I realized, at a point after the 4 mile mark, that I really couldn't feel my legs -- they were just moving beneath me -- while my breathing was easy and it felt like I could keep going and going. So cool. Alas, I was stopping after 5 miles...

Spent some time walking around town with my nephews at the Fall Festival -- there was a bit of a chill in the air for the first time, so the jeans and long sleeves were pulled out of the closet. The sun was shining all weekend, though, so the chill wasn't anything more than a reminder that summer is over.

My sister and I did 9 miles around the Art Museum loop on Sunday. It was supposed to be a slow, easy run, but we didn't realize that the AIDS Walk Philly was happening that day, so we did an awful lot of dodging and weaving through the crowds. The run, again, was easy for me, even though we ran it much faster than a LSD run should be for me. I'm not worried -- my legs are no worse for it, and today was a rest day.

MCM this Sunday... I'm looking forward to it, but I'm even moreso looking forward to some rest time afterwards.

Numbers

I'm 37 years old today.
I was born at 8:40pm.
I'm one of two -- I'm a twin.
I have 5 neices and nephews, and I talked to all of them today.
I have one brother, and I wish we were closer.
I have two parents and one grandmother (who turned 92 yesterday!).

I ran 5 miles today.
That makes 1596 miles for the year, or
about 10 full days and 15 hours worth of running.
I currently am rotating between 2 pairs of running shoes.

I've run 28 races that I can remember:
3 sprint triathlons
3 half marathons
3 18 mile races
3 full marathons
3 Five mile Dog Day races
8 5k's
1 four mile race
1 3.65 mile race
1 ten mile race
1 6ish mile relay leg of a marathon
1 8.6ish mile midnight run

I weighed 119lbs this morning.
I currently have all ten toenails, with none currently in danger (yay!).
I have one tattoo.

I have owned:
2 houses (condos)
6 cars
2 surfboards
and more than 4 bikes
over the years.

I sleep about 7 hours a night (never without waking at least once).
I'm at work for more than 7 hours every day (and bring work home every night).

I've had an uncounted number of friendships over the years,
and I've lost friendships, too.
I've had loves
and heartbreaks
that I don't want to number.

I am 37 years old today.

I've had lots of little successes
and just as many, and probably more, frustrations.

There are at least three things that I want, but I can't seem to get.

Instead, tonight, I'll think about the 11+ friends I'll be going out to dinner with tomorrow night for my birthday celebration!

Back at it...

Legs were feeling back to normal today, so I set out for 3 easy miles. I took it slow, didn't look at my watch, and just ran easy. About a mile and a half in, I ran into a friend from the Wednesday nite running group (obviously we both decided not to do the 6.5 mile run tonite). We caught up for a bit, and then I was back on the road. I thought about going longer, but decided to take it easy for the first day back after all the tightness and cramped muscles from Sunday. I'm happy the soreness is gone, and I'll go a little longer tomorrow.


And now, for some humor: That's me, waving in the orange, in the lower left corner, and my sister next to me. This is the local paper's coverage of the race, taken just after my sister jumped in to run with me. Ha. Makes it look like I'm enjoying the day... Right...

At least I got back at it today.

Some good stuff...

I'm worn out from thinking all about what I needed to do differently on Sunday. I'm worn out from carrying the disappointment. I'm worn out from having to convince people that, yes, I will run MCM in 12 days, but I'm not racing it, so don't worry.

I'm worn out. So I'm taking a minute to think about all the great athletic things that happened in the past few days to people around me.

Tim and Biah ran their first marathons. Awesome!
Larry, another Tim, and Norah ran strong in Baltimore!
Maria ended up with a priceless experience, supporting her sister through her first marathon!
Joe kicked butt in Chicago for an incredible PR.
Sage PR'd in her marathon. Woot!
Kevin and Shawn and my other friend Joe completed their run through Chicago on a tough day!
Two running store friends, TJ and Ralph, ran the 18 miler and did so well. They are fast!

And I can't forget Maggs. I don't even know her in real life, but she found my blog and I am so grateful. Maggs just kicked some serious ass in the Ironman World Championships in Kona on Saturday. Halfway around the world, I cheered for Maggs throughout the day, tracking her and watching the live coverage online. I wished I could have stayed awake for her finish, but I went to bed knowing she was well on her way to running a fantastic marathon time, after posting incredible bike and swim times, too. You are an inspiration, Maggs. Congratulations.

I appreciate all the comments and support I've received here on my blog, as well as through text messages and online notes. Thank you. Amid all my blue, there are good things to celebrate.

Well, there it is.

Another distance race where things didn't go well.

I hydrated well leading into the day. Carbed well. Got some decent sleep. Tapered.

Woke up nervous. Couldn't shake the nerves.

Started a little faster than I wanted for the first mile, but I was surprised to see the split because I really felt like I was running through cement. I felt waaaaayyy slower than I was.

Slowed down a bit for the second and third miles, then tried to get on race pace. Mile 4 was right on. Mile 5, while it felt ok, was slower than planned. Huh. Picked it up for mile 6 - this was a few seconds faster than race pace. By now I'm feeling cramping in my lower left side, but I'm drinking and taking my enlyten strips, so not only am I consumed with what my pace is doing, but I'm also trying to figure out why I'm getting a stitch.

Slow a bit for mile 7, take a gel somewhere around here. As I approach mile 7.5, I know I'll see my whole family. At this point, I am convinced I'm not feeling right and I'm not going to be able to run the race I want to. (I've only now realized, looking at my splits, that I was only about 30 seconds slower than where I should have been at this point.) My right calf started cramping. I see my people, and I walk by them. I high five the kids and tell my dad this isn't going to work today. My sister starts running with me.

Mile 8 is more than 1:15 off pace. Reeled it in a bit for mile 9, but still off pace. I would continue to be off pace for the rest of the race. Walked, jogged, hydrated, took enlyten strips, took another gel -- this one a GU (eww!), and talked to my sister about the point in going on. Here I was, again, struggling my way to the finish of a race I sailed through my first year (2 years ago) to a 2:44:19. Loved every step. Last year, hot and with 2 miles done before it because of marathon training, I dragged my butt to an embarrassing struggle of a finish. Terrible. This was the year for revenge -- to PR -- to feel good about this race again.

My sister and I talked about my inability to have a good race day anymore for distance races. We talked about whether I should continue on to finish, even though I didn't want to have another disappointing race, because of the Marine Corps Marathon in two weeks. There were moments where I wondered if I could even take another step because my calves were cramping so badly. I would walk, stop and stretch, take my enlyten strips; I even sipped some warm gatorade later in the race (bad move -- not good for the stomach). I didn't want to go another step, but I couldn't NOT finish this race.

This is a run I've done countless times. I've done training runs up the boulevard where I had to hold myself back from running too fast for 16 miles. I've run the length of the island again and again. I know I can do it. I know I can do it well. I've done it. But for the past two years, on race day, I can't.

For that matter, since my first PDR (half marathon) two years ago and then my first 18 mile run (3 weeks later), all of my distance races have not gone well. My first marathon, the following spring, was terrible. Ended up in the med tent after crossing the finish line in 4:19:xx. Ran the PDR that fall with my sister and had stomach issues. Ran the 18 miler weeks later and struggled to the finish line in a horrendous 3:24 or something. I remember telling my dad I wasn't sure about running the Philly marathon. But I did, about 2 months later, and while it was a better race, I still wasn't able to finish in the time I'd hoped and trained for. 4:08:xx. Ran the NJ marathon again (revenge!) in the spring, and again did not have a good day. 4:15:xx. Ear popping, legs cramping -- sounds like hydration/electrolytes, right? Why can't I get that working???!!! I'm drinking, I'm taking the strips, I'm taking the gels.

Shorter distances, I'm ok. Longer distances, I can't get it right on race day. I've got the nerves, I've got the pressure, I've got the expectations.

People tell me to relax -- think of it as a training run, take the pressure off. Right. How do you do that when it's NOT a training run -- it's the race you've been working toward, focused on, trained for. Running is an individual sport. I don't want to get worse at it -- I want to improve. Yet with each training round, I'm moving backwards. I am getting worse. Maybe not in times, necessarily, but my experiences aren't good -- I'm not able to have a good race day.

I watched the Kona Ironman online the day before my race. I tracked people. I watched the men's and women's finishers. They pulled it off. Had a solid day. Hell, Craig Alexander and Chrissie Wellington BOTH had smiles on their faces in that marathon. I had to force mine yesterday.

As my sister and I forged on, my parents kept popping up along the route to offer support. I saw friends along the way. I kept going, pissed, frustrated, and disappointed. My stomach in knots, my legs tight, I kept moving toward the finish line. I shook my head at my inspirational messages in chalk on the street.

As we approached the finish, my sister ran ahead and I sprinted up the chute and across the line. I had a smile on my face, and I high-fived a family friend who was in charge of the finish area. A walker moved me toward the far part of the chute to the girl who would remove my chip. I couldn't speak. I moved to the side as the girl struggled to get the chip loose. She couldn't get it, and I couldn't hold on. I leaned to the side and vomited. All water. Missed my shoes. (whew!) Moved away from the finish area, unsure of whether she finally got the chip, and collected myself. Walked a little, squatted down for a minute, and finally felt ok.

Sort of. My body felt better after puking, but my heart and my head were hurting. So frustrated. The weather was fine. Not too hot, not humid, wind due north (which became annoying in my face the whole way) but not more than 8-10 mph.

Plain and simple, I let my nerves get the best of me. Maybe my pacing contributed, maybe my hydration/electrolytes needed tweaking, but ultimately I know my mental anxiety contributed significantly to a bad day. I had a PR to set -- nothing overly ambitious, just break the 2:44:xx -- and I focused on that. Somehow, that focus turned to nerves, and I couldn't shake it.

So there it is. Another bad race. Some people tell me, hey, you finished and that's what matters. But I didn't finish without walking. I didn't finish the way I should have. I didn't, and so there it is... 3:09:54. ugh.

Bring it on.

Picked up my shirt and my chip.
Pasta for dinner.
Drove up to the north end of the island and left messages for the runners in chalk on the road.

Bring it on.

All the work's done...

Did my last run of any quality today. I had the day off from work, so I let myself catch a little extra sleep this morning and then I headed out for my run. I wasn't sure if I'd do a tempo-type run, with MP miles in the middle, or an interval-type run, with some shorter, faster distances in the middle. I planned on doing about 6 miles total.

After getting some solid ideas to think about from my running friends, I set out for my run without a definite game plan. Figured I'd let the run come as it does...

So I did an easy first mile, then dropped to MP for the second mile. At this point I arrived at the track and did 1200m at around tempo pace (a touch faster, actually) and then a recovery 400m. I decided to do a MP mile on the track and then head back home. The track MP mile was fast -- about 8:32 -- but I just couldn't slow myself down enough. I then headed home (2 miles) and did those just slightly faster than easy pace.

Legs are feeling good, although a little heavy -- which is normal for me the week leading into a race. They are feeling better than usual, though. I have had a weird left foot arch ache happening, but I'm trying to take care of it and hope it resolves itself by Sunday. I'll take tomorrow off and run a couple/3 easy on Saturday.

I'm as ready as I can be for this race. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is where all my training pays off. I'm smarter now than I was the last time I ran this race. I've trained a little differently, and I'm anxious to see if I did ok planning my own training. I can't control the weather, so I'm not going to stress about it yet. All I can do is run smart, and run my best.

All the work's done now, so it's time to let the legs rest and refresh and be ready for a solid race.

Motivation

I wanted to post yesterday, but I never took a moment. I was busy at work, busy after work, wanted to correspond with a friend who just ran her first marathon ;) , and since it was a rest day, I didn't have any running to report anyway...

Today I really started getting focused on the race this coming Sunday.

I'm thinking about what I'll wear.

I'm thinking about what my race plan will be.

I'm thinking about my current weight.

I'm thinking about past years at this race --what worked and what didn't.

I'm thinking about my running this week.

I'm thinking about reaching the finish line:

I have a whole bunch of friends running marathons this weekend -- many in Chicago -- and I'm thinking about them, too. We all work so hard, train so diligently, track the weather and hope for the perfect running day.

Truth is, we can plan what we'll wear (orange tank, black shorts, orange-red shoes), plan out the race execution (more on that another time), try our best to be at a good race weight (I'm currently hovering right around 120lbs.), use past race experiences in our plan, taper well, and visualize success. We can do all that, and be totally prepared, and the day could still go awry.

I'm doing all I can this week to stay positive, to be prepared, to be mentally strong, physically strong, and ready to go. I'm not focusing on what could go wrong -- I'm focusing on what I can control, what can go well. It's easier said than done, for sure. I remember the rough races, I remember how things can work against our best plans. But I'm preparing to be ready. I'm preparing to be strong. I'm preparing to run smart and run well. I'm preparing to reach the north end of the island, 18 miles after starting, running with my head up and my heart knowing I've done my best.

I want this. I'm motivated to do this. I can do it.

A full weekend...

Friday was a rest day. I drove to the shore after work and met up with a friend for drinks. It was a good night, but sort of a "same old, same old" type of night out.

I planned on running about 5 miles on Saturday, and I meant to do them slowly. I'm not sure how or why, but I ended up running the 5 waaaay faster than I should have (wha??? I clearly wasn't paying attention, but I really thought I was way slower). I decided to add one more mile and ran that one super slow.

Spent all afternoon with lots of friends at the local firehouse's block party. Lots of the people I normally see in the summer, and several people I've gotten know more recently through the triathlon and other races/training were there. The weather was great, and after a few beers and a lot of catching up with people, I called it a day.

12 miles this morning. I ran the first 12 miles of the race I'll run next weekend. I kept the run at about a 9:37 pace -- probably faster than I should have, but I really felt like I was expending a lot of energy just trying to hold myself back. I started thinking through a race plan for next Sunday, and realized it's all going to depend on the weather. I really hope it's cool -- even drizzly if necessary -- but not hot or humid.

I spent about an hour napping on the beach afterwards. As I drove home, I couldn't help thinking this was a good weekend and I had fun yesterday, so why is it that I'm bugged by the thought that I'm still not where I want to be?

solar power...

I woke up this morning with my head cold raging. Thought I had kicked it before it really got going, but apparently, I was wrong. My eyes were heavy, my head was heavy, and I wasn't sure how I'd make it through the work day.

A bunch of oj, some airborne, some cold meds. I didn't fall asleep at work. Now if I could just get through my run....

The plan was for about 8 miles, with the middle 6 at MP. Technically, my MP will be about 9 mins per mile. I'm hoping to PR at my 18 mile race next weekend, and my current PR is 2:44:xx - so just over 9mpm. I'm still trying to break 4 hours in the marathon, with my current PR at 4:08:xx. In my last marathon training, my training had me with about an 8:45 pace for MP, so that 9mpm in the race would feel easier. Today, I planned on hitting those 6 MP miles at no slower than 8:45.

I drove over to Philly and ran the Art Museum loop. It's an 8.56mile loop, and it was a sunny, clear, cool, but windy, afternoon. I started well, although a touch too fast, and as I approached the first mile, I settled into a rhythm. Along the loop, there are markers every 1/4 mile, and I used these to check my pace as I ran. One of these days I'll get one of those Garmin things so my pace is easier to monitor...

I ended up feeling pretty good as I ran, and my first couple MP miles were too fast. I tried to slow down, to get the MP feel, but I was running comfortably and just never got the pace to the 8:45 range. Late in the run I decided to run 7 at MP and then go a little extra for the full cool-down mile. Here are my splits:

m1 9:20
m2 8:20 yikes! too fast! slow down!
m3 8:31 better, but not slow enough
m4 8:35 getting there
m5 8:36 not there yet, but comfortable
m6 8:32 oops, this is too easy today
m7 8:16 bug in ear! bug in ear! freaking out! running fast! seriously, it's buzzing in there!!!
m8 8:07 is that bug still in my ear?!!! I'm freaked! Finish strong!!!
m9.1 9:43 take it slow here ...

So, overall, a MP run that I ran waaay faster than planned. I did the same thing with a similar workout before the marathon last spring. Today, I reminded myself that while this is a confidence booster now, I'll need to reign myself in at the start of the race next weekend and hold a steadier, closer to MP pace, so that new PR is in the books. :)

Funny thing is, my head is lighter and my cold has subsided.

Ahhh, the power of the sunshine and fresh air...

invisible...

Ever feel invisible to someone? It's a terrible feeling. It's especially tough when, at one time, you were important to that person, and there doesn't seem to be a reason for the change. I know that when this happens, I shouldn't care so much about that person/those people, shouldn't care what they think, shouldn't place such importance on the fact that I'm now invisible to them.

But I do. And I can't help it. And it's hard.

Miscellaneous thoughts...

Sometimes when I'm running, my thoughts are zeroed in on one thing. Something that's been bothering me, something I need to take care of at work, something that's consuming my thoughts.

I like those days, those runs, because it's a quiet time to work it all out. Or try to, anyway.

Sometimes when I'm running, my thoughts are all over the place. That's what happened today.

I wasn't sure what I was going to run. I set out to do 5 miles with a bunch of strides at the end. Then I thought I'd add a cool-down mile after. Then I decided I'll do a MP run tomorrow, so I'll just keep today's run easy. At that point, I changed the route I was running. All of this thinking covered the first mile and a half of my run.

Then I was thinking about Maria's comment in reference to my power red shoes. Green is her power color. She wears it, in some form, for all her races. I like that. I wish I had adopted a power color. I tend to decide that my power color is whatever color my shoes are that are working for me at that time. I've always heard that red is a power color, and while I don't own or wear much red, my current shoes are working for me. The shoes I've been wearing are Brooks Glycerin 6's.

They sort of look orangey-red (and this photo really brings out the orange). In reality, they are supposed to be red, and for now, they are my power red shoes.

After spending a good bit of time thinking about power colors, my thoughts drifted from my constant pull to live in Southern California (I have thought about that for years, and something happened this week that reminded me of that desire), to house stuff, to weekend plans, to counting my steps.

Does anyone else do this? Count your steps? I find myself doing that a lot. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. repeat. repeat again. I'm not sure why I do it, but it's almost like a metronome, ticking away my steps and the miles.

As I finished my run, I was thinking about food. I was hungry. No surprise there. I'm always eating.

So today was a miscellaneous run, filled with miscellaneous thoughts.

Hills in the morning...

...are easier for me than running the hills after a long day of work. Duh.

I have the day off from work today, so I got my run done this morning. Met my sister and we did the Wednesday night group run route -- 6.65 miles on a flat first two miles, then a hilly back 4.5+ mile section of town.

We started slow and planned on keeping an easy pace. We ran comfortably, and I really thought we were somewhere around a 9:45 pace. Well, it turns out we ended with a 9:18 average pace. Huh.

I definitely held back, and while we attacked the uphills, I noticed that my breathing was pretty even and controlled. I paid attention to my form, and had little problem increasing my pace as we went up the hilly sections. Overall, it was a good (albeit a bit too fast for the purpose) run. Crisp morning, clear, but warmer as we ended the run.

I really like the challenge of this route. I just wish the group run started a little earlier on Wednesdays...

Oh! and I got another pair of new shoes today. Now I have two (an UGLY purple pair and my power red pair) to rotate, and both are new enough for the upcoming races. Yay!

Running in the rain...

When I started my 20 miler this morning, it was a drizzly, humid, gray morning. Snuggling in bed would have been a great way to spend the morning, but I had miles to run. Got up early, had what is becoming a good pre-long run breakfast, and set out for my last long run before the 18 mile race in two weeks.

Met up with my sister after the first mile and ran the next 9 miles together. This was a good thing in the sense that I had company for part of my run, but a bad thing, too, because she doesn't EVER pay attention to pace. I wanted to keep this run a long, slow one, so I had to keep pulling her back a bit. Turns out we were only slightly ahead of the pace I wanted to be running. She headed for home at my mile 10, and I went on to do the second half on my own.

I was A LOT smarter about my fueling and hydration today. My last 20 (supposed to be 22) miler ended up a disaster because of the heat and humidity. Today wasn't as hot, but it was disgustingly humid. I drank my water, used my enlyten strips, and took a couple gels at good intervals today, and the run ended up going very well. I am kicking myself a little, though, because miles 11-20 were a bit faster than they should have been. I was just running comfortably and didn't realize I was running the pace I was....

When I was just about done, I decided to tack one more mile on -- more for the mental effect than anything else -- and finished with 21.1 miles. I definitely could've gone a few more. My ankle held up and was barely an issue. I was SOAKED to the core after more than 3 hours in the rain/mist/humidity, but I felt good about getting this solid run done.

I like my sunshine, but it's fun running in the rain sometimes. :)

Whew!

I got new shoes and set out for some miles. Between the new shoes, two days of no running, and whatever voodoo magic the doc did this morning, the ankle seems better. Still a little pain, but runnable!

I set out to do the 3 mile loop. Plan was, if things went well, I'd do a few more. Took the first 3 slow and easy -- legs felt heavy like they always do after a day off, and the ankle wasn't letting me forget it was there, but it wasn't bad. By the middle of the second mile, things were getting loose and feeling ok. I decided to pick up the pace a bit for the 4th and 5th miles, and realized that my ankle was definitely not 100%, but it was better. MUCH better -- like, 85-90% ok. I slowed down at mile 5.5 and cruised in the last .5 mile, happy to know I can run again. Whew!

Two days...

It's been two days since I've run. I cannot remember the last time I took two days in a row without running. Wait -- last spring when my cuboid was displaced after my marathon. Grr.

The chiropracter looked at my ankle today -- did some stuff to it. It's feeling a little better. I'm going to try a short, easy run in a little bit. If it's ok, I'll run my 20 miler tomorrow. If not, if it needs a few more days, I'll run my 20 on Tuesday when I'm off from work.

I stopped.

For the first time since one day last year when I was sick, I started a run and then stopped and turned for home.

I had a short run on the schedule for today -- take it easy, just shake out the legs from last night's speedwork. Problem is, my left ankle's been bothering me this week; actually, it's been bothering me since sometime last weekend. No sharp pains, but rather a bruised sort of feel on the inside of my ankle, by the bone that sticks out.

I set out for my short run, deciding I'll just take it slow and look forward to resting the ankle tomorrow on my scheduled day off. Well, I got about 100 yards from home and turned around. Considered stopping and then reconsidered and turned again and began running again. And stopped. Started. Stopped again.

If I stop and rest it today, I can see how it feels tomorrow and maybe make up the run then. Or, rest it two days and get it ready for the LR this weekend. Or, I could just gut it out for a few easy miles. But it hurts with EVERY step. I should rest it. Agh, I could gut it out.

And so my internal conversation went. For about two minutes. I realized that if every step was hurting, that can't be good. It felt sore while walking, but not the pain I felt with each running step. I turned and made my way back home. Sure I could have made it 3 or so miles, but to what good? Better to skip the 3 and try to heal the ankle than aggravate it more. Right? RIGHT?!

Grrr....

Yasso 800's (or, maybe, 798's)...

I set out to do my 10x800's later this afternooon. I was tired, and my left ankle's been bothering me, and realistically it's probably a couple days further away from the race than ideal to do this workout. But, with big rain moving in for the next several days, and a 20 miler this weekend, today was the day to get it done.

I ran a slow 1.8ish to the track and started the loops. Here are my times (I jogged a slow 400m between each 800):
3:40, 3:44, 3:44, 3:40, 3:42, 3:41, 3:43, 3:44, 3:44, 3:36 (I then ran the 1.8ish back home)
A bit faster than I planned. I wanted them all to be under 3:55. So, I'm pleased. It was (dare I say it?!) easier than it should have been. Which got me thinking...

I measured this track with my bike computer a while back. One loop was .25 mile. But I remember my friend (VERY knowledgeable running guy) mentioning that it may be a touch short. So now I've g-mapped it. Based on that, one loop measures .247 miles. Which makes my 800's a bit short -- by a meter or two.

Overall, that doesn't bother me. Adding a couple/3 or so strides to each lap would've covered the distance. That may have added a second or three to my splits. Which would mean they were all still under 3:50.

I'm not going to stress about the track measurement. It's not a significant difference to greatly alter my splits or how I felt running the laps. I think my ankle held me back a little bit, but not much. Total miles was somewhere around 10.8 miles. I ran the workout well, and when I did my 8x800's a couple weeks ago, my splits were slightly slower (same track). That's good news.

Without a plan...

I'm in a weird place in my training right now. My triathlons are done for the season, so I can focus just on my running. I'm looking at my 3rd 20 miler in this training round this upcoming weekend. Two weeks later is the 18 mile race. Two weeks after that is the Marine Corps Marathon.

I decided a while ago that I was going to take the pressure off myself in the marathon this fall. I've been chasing a time goal that, in 3 attempts, I've failed to hit. The timing of all these races isn't ideal, but I'm doing the MCM because I deferred from last year. I really want to run the 18 miler because last year the heat made it a disaster, and I'd like to go back and kick some butt.

So here are my goals: race the 18 miler and try to PR there. If the weather/stars align for a strong run, that the plan. Two weeks later, line up to run the MCM and take the day as it comes. (I never wanted to run the MCM for time -- I wanted to soak it all in, and maybe even stop to shake hands with all the marines if I want to along the way!)

Plan B is: if the day isn't right for a strong run at the 18, treat it like my last LR and go into the MCM feeling ready for a strong 26.2.

With these races coming up, and with these goals, and with my tri training on hold, I'm a woman without a plan. I hate it. I've been sort of following a plan a friend made for me for a previous marathon, and tweaking it along the way with ideas/workouts from other plans I've done or read about. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm trained well right now to PR at any of these races. For the most part, that bothers me. But there's also a part of me that is just kind of seeing where all this leads -- this less-directed training. This is where my current problem lies. I don't know what running/workouts I should be doing between now and October 12th and October 26th.

I'm looking at the other plan(s) and trying to figure it all out. I know my tapers are shorter than most people do/recommend. I'm ok with that, because I've felt, in the past, that 3 weeks was too long. So I'm playing around with mileage and speedwork and hoping, hoping, hoping the races go ok.

If they don't... well... I guess a lot of this is about what you learn along the way.