Living, rather than existing.

For a long time, I felt like I was just existing.

I was safe in what I did: not going out on weeknights because I get up so early for work. Being reserved in my nights out with friends because I didn't want to feel out of control. Although I'm not the kind of person who stays in a lot, I would tuck myself into my house at times simply because it was comfortable. I dated, but was constantly disappointed that I wasn't feeling attracted to these men. I ran, but my running was stalled.

The other morning, however, I realized I've been living. And I realized how much better life is when you do that.

I've unstalled my running: I worked hard, had good help, and tackled my racing anxieties. I PR'd in the half marathon (2x!) and I PR'd in the 18 mile race. Not only did my times improve, but I got to the starting lines feeling prepared and ready to run the paces I did, sometimes even running faster than planned. I am hoping to continue this in 2010, with my eye on the marathon.

I've developed a fun group of friends with whom I meet out for drinks on weekdays (not more than one or two, and not real late) and weekends, play wii with, go sledding with, and run with. These guys are fun, they're runners so they "get" me, and they are good people. I'd rather be hanging out with them then sitting alone in my house.

I've also had fun lately smooching someone. He is a bit younger, but mature. He's hot and fun and smart. I think it's just something that'll be fun for a little while, no real relationship, but I wonder if it will become something more. There are differences in our lives, and we are in different places. Sometimes I question whether this is something I should be doing, but then I realize I'm enjoying it. I wonder what his perspective on it is, but we don't define it. I'm having fun. Right now, although I like him, I'm trying to simply go with the flow. In the moment. Living.

2009 began with a very interesting start. Telling, really. As it comes to a close, I look back and realize that mixed in with some rough stuff, this has been a year of making new friendships, challenging myself, pushing outside my comfort zone, going out, opening up, and doing things, rather than simply moving through my day.

Because living is so much better than existing.

Merry Christmas!

Yesterday started with a peaceful, quiet, crisp 5.5 mile run. Few cars on the road, a handful of other runners out, and a clear morning made this a wonderful way to start Christmas morning. The rest of the day was a mix of pleasant, crazy, loud, and exhausting. I drove to the shore and spent the day with my parents, grandmother (she's still hanging in there!), sister's family, brother's family. I ended the day with some good friends. It was a good day. I hope everyone out there enjoyed your day, too! Merry Christmas!

20 inches

At least that's what they're reporting. 20 inches of snow. The blizzard started early Saturday morning. My sister and I set out for our LR for the weekend by 7am, hoping to beat the pile-up of snow. We ran through strong winds and lots of snow, and it was fun but so cold! I ended up with 9 miles, and as the day went on and the snow piled up, I was glad we got it done early.

Late Saturday night, after more than a foot and a half of snow had fallen and it wasn't done yet, my 3 friends, C, J, and G, and I decided to go sledding down "triple hill" in town. We borrowed a sled from my nephews and had a blast. We were snow-covered, pushing each other, falling a lot, and laughing the whole time. These three guys have become really good, fun friends and we had just a fantastic night.

Sunday after I spent a bunch of time (and back muscles!) to shovel out my front steps and car, I decided to go for a run. It was both a wonderful and really stupid thing to do.

It wasn't too freezing cold or anything, but the path along the park wasn't shoveled so I had to run in the streets.

The roads were tricky (little plowing done) and although it looked kinda pretty all snow-covered, it was a tough run. I tried to stay on the snow, but there were places that were just icy. Oof.

When I got to the end of my 3 mile park loop, I looked up at my house (that's mine with the 3 windows on the corner) and was ready to get warm. It was a short run, but a big workout. The air was crisp, the skies were blue and clear, and no one else was out running. I loved it.

Aches and pains of starting back...

My first couple of runs were good. My legs felt good, I was excited to be running again, and I knew that my seemingly decreased lung capacity/fitness would return.

By my third run, I was feeling a weird ache in the top of my calf, wrapping around to the front of my knee on my left leg. The pain wasn't severe, but it was strong enough to cause a definite weakness in my left knee. I felt, several times, like my leg was going to buckle as I ran. I vaguely remember something like this bugging me the last time I took an extended rest, so I looked back in my running log. There it was: third run, left leg, almost the exact same description as this time. It didn't look like it bothered me more than a couple days last time, and didn't seem too serious then, so I was hopeful.

Then I went out for a long-ish run on Sunday with my friend, G. He's the doctor guy I've mentioned before -- my friend who ran PDR with me. Anyway, I told him about my weakness/pain issue, and he felt the back of my leg/knee area and pushed and prodded and then told me about some bursa-fluid-somethingorother thing that was probably inflamed and causing one of my tendons to track incorrectly. Or something like that.

We had a good run, but I had to stop a couple times because the pain and weakness would take over. It got pretty bad. Way worse than the last time around. Once I stopped for a second and massaged the area a little, the pain went away and I was able to run again for a bit. Then it would happen again. G wasn't pleased with me that I wanted to finish the run, but I think by now he's used to my stubbornness...

He sent me these pictures to try to explain:

See those blue things? That's what he said is probably the issue. The fluid-filled bursa things. The top pic was how he explained how the tendons attached to muscles and wrapped around the knee. Or something like that. He also described the back of my knee area as "gristly" and I think he even used the words "eww" and "gross." I questioned his medical knowledge with those terms, but nonetheless, I listened to his advice.

He suggested wearing some type of compression sleeve when I'm not running to promote the blood flow. Motrin to reduce inflamation. Light massage to work the bursa thingies. Take the next few runs easy.

I did all of that. My next run, yesterday, was a super easy 3.5 miles with the Fitness Club kids, and then today I got out for a strong 5 miler. Both runs were good. I've worn the sleeve to work both days and in today's run I had no weakness or pain at all. I even had to push the pace a little today because I snuck out on my lunch hour, but the run ended up being super.

So maybe G does know what he's talking about.

I ran with the kids

After 10 days of no running, I ran with the kids in Fitness Club today. Because I was with them, I ran much slower than even my slow pace, but I ended up getting around 3 miles done. It felt great to be running. Other than my chest/lung area feeling a bit uncomfortable (which had more to do, I think, with my HR strap -- I was curious to see what my numbers would be after the break), the run was really good. Legs felt good, breathing was good, and it was a beautiful afternoon, though really windy.

After we ran, I took the kids back into the school, we stretched a bit, then I put them on the bus -- with all of them thanking me and telling me they'll be here for our next run. As I drove home from work, I just kept thinking about how fun this club will be for me (and I get paid for this!) and how happy I was to be running again.

10 done.

Today was Day 10 of no running. I did it. Again. I really hope it works; I hope it was the right thing to do. My running went well this past fall after taking the 10 day rest, so I'm going to hope for the same this spring.

Tomorrow I will run. I've started my Fitness Club, so I'll be running with the kids after school. We'll probably get less than 3 miles done, so I'll run a few more after I put them on the bus.

Whatever I get done tomorrow, I'm just excited to be running again. I need it.

POWER walk.

POWER walk. Do yoga or core stuff. Enjoy rest before the pain returns.

That's what D's text to me said when I sent him a message that told him this rest is killing me -- and I'm only a little joking. I'm not motivated to swim or bike this time of year, and I'm restless. I did actually swim on Wednesday, and that was good to get back in the pool, but it's not what I really want to be doing these days.

Enjoy rest before the pain returns is what he replied. Whoa.

So power walk I did. Yesterday, for about an hour altogether.

It was great. Just what I needed. I needed to lace up my running shoes, get outside in the fresh air, and move forward. I had to touch base with my friend, L, who was working at the running store, which is about a mile and a half from my house. Off I went.

About 3/4 of a mile into the walk, I realized just how far 3 miles is. When I'm walking, that is. To run that is nothing. A 3 mile run is barely a run anymore for me. Like, a run not even worth it sometimes. But walking 3 miles? That's a long walk. I realized that having someone to walk with would make it better. Perhaps even having my ipod would make it better. It just seemed to take forever to walk to the store.

Don't get me wrong -- I really needed it. I liked it. To feel my legs moving me in somewhat of a workout was great. And I did think a bit about appreciating the downtime in the training.

But despite the warning of pain, I really can't wait to run again.

cold toes

Today is Day 2 of the 10 day rest. I took my bike out for an hour-long ride. It was a clear, crisp afternoon, and I layered up for the ride. Well, I layered up my body. Kinda didn't think about my feet. I pulled on a new pair of socks and my Zoot shoes and headed out.

These shoes are pretty cool - no laces, easy pull-on, vented for drainage, breathable. All great things for coming out of the swim and onto the bike (I still just have the cages) in the warm weather. Not so great for the cool days.

My toes froze. At first I thought the pain in my toes was from my foot positioning. I shifted them around and tightened the straps on the pedals. When that didn't fix things, I realized cold air was blowing right into the shoes. Duh.

It was all I could do to make it the full hour. The ride itself was fine -- which was good considering how long it's been since I've been on the bike. But holy moly, my toes really hurt.

Here we go again

10 days of rest. Grr. I did it in the beginning of the summer when D started "coaching" me. Let the body renew itself. White blood cell count revive. Rest a little before working hard. 10 days.

D said I could run through the holiday weekend to counteract all the eating (and drinking!), then take the 10 days. He doesn't budge on that number, either. So today is day 1.

I need to do this because I want to follow D's plan. I feel lucky that he'll plan my training for my next marathon, even though I think this time around he won't be as involved/available. That part stinks, but I've learned a lot about his thinking and the way his training plans work, so I'm just glad he'll work a plan for me.

Because, you see, I registered for my goal race. I'll be joining two fantastic women at the Illinois Marathon on May 1st. It's only the second year of this race, but we've heard rave reviews from friends about last year. The course looks pretty friendly for a good time and a solid race, and that's what all three of us are hoping for. I'm excited that Maria and Cindi will be there!

So, here we go again. A little down time, a great runner for a (sort of) coach, and a marathon training round. I'm excited, I'm ready to work hard, and I'm looking forward to May.

A long, busy, fun-filled holiday weekend

There's so much to report.

Wednesday I went to my friend's party. Lots of beer drinking and beer pong. I started well, spectated for a while, then closed the night with some great play. Some people may roll their eyes or laugh at the fact that I'm well past my college years and playing beer pong, but I don't care. I had fun with my friends.

Thursday, I peeled myself out of bed in time to meet my sister and my friend, G, at a local turkey trot. We decided not to do the race, but we ran the loop together anyway. We finished in time to see the racers come in. Great way to start the day. I got about 7.5 miles done -- and then headed to the shore for dinner with the family.

Friday I met up with an old friend from college that I hadn't seen in 15ish years. Sooooo wonderful to catch up with him! J was a great, fun, close friend in school, and seeing him this weekend reminded me that it is important to stay in touch with good people. We sat in my house and laughed and reminisced, and lamented the fact that we had different, separate plans for the night. He lives across the country and one hour wasn't enough time to spend together, so we made plans to meet for coffee the next morning.

After J and his wife left, the guys started arriving for our night out in the city. We took the train over to Old City to see our friend's band. They were so good! Fun night -- we went to a different bar after the show and had a great time there, too. Waited for the train for a while but eventually got back home safe and sound, but late.

Saturday morning came quickly, and G and I had planned on meeting for the other local turkey trot we planned to do. I ran over, met up with him, and we decided to take the race easy. Safe to say we both were running with headaches.

Well, instead of taking it really easy, we ran hard but not all-out. Ended up with a 24:20. We'll take it! I found out later that that was good enough for 13th female OA, 2nd in AG, and 74/330 total. Sweet! My coach won the race, so he was there to get my medal for me at the awards.

After the race, I met up with J again, and then ran into my parents who were in town for an alumni thing, and then stopped in the store to touch base there, and then headed to LBI for my HS reunion.

Whoa. 20 years. Admittedly, I wasn't really keen on going to this, though I knew I should. Aimee and I headed in and immediately started the, "Hey! Hi! You look great! How've you been?" lines. Funny thing is, while there were definitely people who have not kept themselves healthy and looking good, so many people did! Lots of people looked the same (though a little older), and unfortunately there were a bunch of people I wished were there but weren't. A and I decided not to head to the after-party after some debate. It was a nice night, but truth be told, I was kind of over it after about an hour.

So this morning I slept in. I needed to catch up on some sleep and still kind of need to now. I got dressed and set out for a LR over the bridges. I got about 10 miles done, and really enjoyed soaking in the sunshine and salt air.

This was a long, busy, fun-filled holiday weekend. Back to work tomorrow. I feel like I need to take a day off just to recuperate from the past 5 days!

Beer

I've been drinking a lot of it lately. And by a lot, I mean often.

Sometimes it's good beer, like this Alagash White I had tonight. Sometimes it's something light like Miller Lite.

I've been hanging out with a couple of the running group guys quite a bit. Sunday football? Beers. Wednesday after the group run? Beers. Friday night? Saturday night? It's the weekend. Beers.

During the week, I limit myself. One or two. And I go home early so I can still get up and be a good teacher the next day. But still, it's being out and drinking beers on a weekday. Something I never used to do, but I'm having a lot of fun doing it now. Ok, really, I limit myself on the weekends, too. I'm not that big of a drinker anymore. But I'm having beers way more often than I normally would.

Drinking all this beer will affect my training when I get into my spring marathon workouts. I know this, because it definitely affects how much sleep I'm getting. Drinking all this beer will not help me become prepared for a great spring marathon.

The thing is, I like hanging out with these guys. They're funny, they're people I feel comfortable with, and they get the whole drinklotsofwaterwhiledrinkingalcoholicbeverages thing. They're runners, too, so we don't give each other a hard time if someone isn't drinking, or stops after one or two drinks.

We hang out a lot, and we drink beer. It's a good thing. I'll scale back when I start training again. For now, I've been enjoying the beers.

*sigh*

The Philadelphia Marathon is tomorrow. I'm not running it.

Instead, I'm getting up super early to pick up my sister at 5:15am and get her to the start. She's running it.

I got my race plan together tonight. Park, hang with A until she starts. Meet up with parents, eat my bagel/avocado/tomato that I'm packing into my little backpack, and wait around for the 8k'ers, the half marathon leaders, marathon leaders, drink the rest of my coffee, meet up with other spectating friends, hopefully catch my friends N finish the half and J come through the half, and then catch my sister as she runs through the half sometime around or just under or just over (what? she hasn't revealed an exact race pace plan) the 2 hour mark.

At that point, I'll jump in, swap out her water bottle, and see what she wants me to do. Stay with her a little? If so, fine. If not, I'll circle back, hang with the parents/friends a little longer, and then make my way out towards Falls Bridge. I'll plan on catching up with A sometime after she passes the bridge, when she'll have less than 4 miles to go. Unless she tells me earlier she doesn't want me to do that. Although, even if she says that, I'll probably do it anyway. Who doesn't like a boost of personal cheer in those last few miles?

I'm totally bummed I'm not running tomorrow. I'd feel less bummed if I could figure out which spring marathon to do. More on that another time.

Big race tomorrow, and I've gotta get to sleep. At least my race plan is set.

leaking energy

I had to work at the running store after work at school today. I set out for a 6ish mile run around the river, and decided to make it a tempo since I was short on time.

The first mile+ was kept at an easy pace, and I was feeling really good. Legs felt good, temps were good, it was just an easy run.

As soon as I got to the river loop, I dropped the pace. Got a pretty good clip going. I wasn't trying to hit any particular pace, but just run comfortably hard. Mile 2 ended up around an 8:19 pace. Still feeling good.

Mile 3 was a bit faster, and at one point I noticed my pace was sub-8. Huh. Still comfortable, but backed off a bit. Just as mile 3 was ending, I noticed my legs were still moving ok, but my body seemed to be leaking energy out at a rapid pace. As soon as I hit the 3rd mile beep on my watch (8:03), I was pretty concerned that I'd trip over my own legs. They were still moving, but I felt like I had less control over them. I felt out of whack. I felt a bit woozy. I wanted to just curl up right there on the sidewalk, next to the river. My legs were still moving, but I needed to stop.

I walked for a few seconds, stopped, contemplated how to get home the quickest, realized I'd have 3 miles to go any way I went, so I turned right around and started back. I started running again after about one minute, but I didn't want to run. I still wanted to be curled up on the sidewalk. I kept moving, though, because I needed to get home and no one I knew was driving by, no matter how hard I wished for it. I kept thinking about a big glass of chocolate milk and a peanut butter sandwich the whole way home.

I realized this must be a fueling thing. I've been eating pretty lightly this week. Not a lot, but some. I'm running less, and I'm starting to feel like the pounds are on their way back, and I'm trying to be careful. I actually ate more today than I have been, but I guess today wasn't enough. Or maybe that wasn't it at all.

Either way, I made it back. Somehow. And at a pretty good clip, too. So the run wasn't a bust. Entirely.

But holy smokes, it's weird to actually feel all your energy seep right out of your body.

OBX Half Marathon 2009

A report about this race is long overdue, and I just haven't had the time/focus to update my blog. I need to get back into posting here -- I'm not sure it matters to anyone else, but I like logging my thoughts/experiences and being able to look back on those. I'll try to be better! In the meantime, this is a report about OBX that I posted on the running forum I belong to, with some minor alterations... There are some fun pix of the day/weekend that I'll post in another entry.

*This is a loooong report, and I haven't even included all the fun of this weekend. The race was story enough, so thanks in advance for reading if you get through the whole thing!*

The backstory here is that I wavered on jumping up to the full 26.2 for the race in OBX up until the day I arrived there. I really wasn’t sure what I wanted to do since my running had been going so well recently, but I finally went with what I knew to be smarter – when I got to the expo Friday afternoon, I picked up my HM bib and that was that.

My Voodoo shirt and cheetah print arm sleeves (in tribute to my friend, Joe, who passed away this summer) got some cheers and comments from both spectators and other runners throughout the day. Without anyone I knew along the sidelines throughout most of the race, this was a big boost.

Pre-race: Saturday night, Shawn offered for me to ride to the start with him and Brandy, and I accepted. And then mercilessly bugged him about our super-early departure time. We arrived at the start in the darkness, and before race officials even had the start line set up. It was actually perfect: The 3 of us went for a relaxing warm-up jog and stopped at the beach entrance to watch the most beautiful sunrise over the ocean. Soon enough we were heading to the starting line where I said a quick hello to some of our other 30’s HM runners and lined up with Maria’s sister. We decided to start right near the front of the 8-10 minute corral.

The race: After deciding to stick with the HM, I thought I would plan on trying to run something close to my new (from Sept) PR of 1:47:38. I planned on running the 1st few miles at about an 8:20ish pace and seeing how I felt. When the gun went off, I crossed the line and started my watch. I went out a bit faster than planned, but I was comfortable and kept track of how I felt through these first few miles. Since I was feeling good, I kept the pace anywhere from 8:03-8:20 per mile and kept moving forward.

The course was a mix of highway miles and winding back streets along the water. I enjoyed the first 6 miles – the views along the water were beautiful, the houses were somoething to see, and there were pockets of cheering people scattered throughout. As we approached mile 7, we were now on the highway again and I knew we were heading to the big bridge around mile 10.

At this point I knew I was running something close to my PR, but wasn’t super-focused on my time. We also now had a decent head wind that would last almost to the very end of the race. I did a few checks of my legs and actually slowed the pace a bit in miles 7-8ish to make sure the legs were going to feel strong enough to run me up and over the bridge. So far, so good. I made sure to take a gel somewhere between m 6-7, drink some water at most of the water stops, and just try to enjoy the day.

Just before the bridge, I saw Shawn ahead on my right. I knew he was going to try to run back out and pick up some of us after he’d finished, but with a quick look at the time, I knew he must’ve pulled up early. He curled around to my side, told me he hadn’t been feeling it, and he’d run me to m12-12.5. Cool!

We began our way up the bridge and I kept my pace. Shawn said, trying to keep my mind off the bridge, “I keep looking for dolphins!”

I replied, “I keep looking for the top of the bridge.”

When we passed the 10 mile marker, we were almost at the top. Pace was good, I was feeling good, and we headed down the back side. I was still feeling good as we approached mile marker 11, but this was a long, straight, wind-in-our-face road, and my legs started to feel it. I wanted to turn. Where do we get to turn?! I was beginning to question if I could hold this pace.

Sometime between miles 11 and 12, I started to feel my throat closing up. Uhoh. A tell-tale sign for me that my body’s shutting down. I didn’t tell Shawn. I started to slow. Shawn kept me running, though, and after passing mile 12, told me I wasn’t allowed to look at my watch anymore. I told him I wasn’t.

Truth is, I needed to be done.

Reality was, I wasn’t.

Shawn said, “At that next red flag, I want you to surge for 20 seconds.”

Yeah, right.

I don’t think I did, but I must have. Mile 13 was my fastest pace yet. And that’s probably the reason I didn’t even turn to wave at Lori and Amy as I headed to the finish. Throat closing up, feeling like I’m about to puke, I hear Shawn telling me to get angry about past races gone bad. “Go get that PR,” he said, and reached back to extend his hand and tell me “good run.”

Less than a tenth of a mile later, I crossed the line, stopped my watch, saw a 1:47:26, and promptly assumed the runner’s death stance – bent over, hands on knees, gasping for breath. A race volunteer asked if I was ok. I would be, but I couldn’t speak. I was dry-heaving and trying to get my throat opened again. I walked a few steps, collected my medal, and squatted down by the table. The volunteer never left my side, though I was waving her on, and asked again and again, “Are you ok? Need medical? Need a wheelchair?” This last one made me laugh, though I barely could. I looked up at her and squeaked out, “I just PR’d. I’ll be fine.”

Shawn gave me the thumbs up and headed back out on the course. Finally feeling better, I got my finisher pic, got a few bits of apple and peanut butter sandwich bites, and wound my way back out to where my group of friends was. The sun was shining (HOT, btw!), the sky was blue, and although it was a tough finish, I felt great about the race. With my fall goal race 3 weeks behind me, I really wasn’t sure what my legs would do. To PR, by about 15 seconds (I would see later when the official results were posted), was good.

Post race: This was fun. Getting to watch all my other friends come through the finish was great. We watched every last one of our group come through. Despite getting yelled at by a volunteer because my feet were in front of the curb, and having her threaten to call the cops on me, I thought the race volunteers were great, the race was a pretty nice course overall, and the whole experience was positive. Wearing our Voodoo shirts and cheetah print pulled us together and made me smile. I did break down a little, and my eyes filled with tears, at about the 3:40 mark in the marathon time. It was then that it hit me. I wouldn’t get to see Joe come around the bend, loosen his dreads, and fly by to the finish. His spirit was there, though. He was with us. It was a great day.

*************************************************************************************

Here are my splits, listed by paces rather than actual splits because the mile markers seemed to be off in several places along the course. The first mile, for example, only registered .98, and that sort of messed up the even splits along the way.

Final time, as listed on the official results: 1:47:24 (it was originally listed as :23???)

7/386 AG division

76/2205 females

277/3381+ OA

8:14, 8:08, 8:04, 8:10, 8:07, 8:10, 8:13, 8:13, 8:158:13 (this was mile 10, climbing the bridge)8:05 (cresting and then heading down the bridge)

8:15 (uhoh, legs are dying, throat's closing up)

7:47 (um, what?! mile 13!)

last .1 was 6:50 pace. whoa.

I did the HM

and PR'd by 15 seconds.

1:47:23 Woot!

Full report to come...

Goin' to Carolina

I'm heading to OBX tomorrow morning. I'm getting more and more excited to spend the weekend with my friends there.

And after going back and forth and back and forth all week, I'm 99% sure I'm going to stick with the HM.

I'll do it right and train for a spring full.

Yeah, like 98% sure. Or 95%.

4/144/9:04

This afternoon's run:

4.25 miles
144 avg HR
9:04 avg pace

hmm.

This didn't help my decision about OBX.

I shouldn't do it

I haven't run over 18 miles since my last marathon
I haven't trained to run a solid 26.2
I am going to be partying with my friends all weekend
26.2 miles is a far way to run
I shouldn't do it.

But I'm really consumed with the idea of running the full at OBX this coming weekend instead of the half.

I don't even know that I could switch, because it's probably sold out.

I really shouldn't even be thinking about it.

I know how they stay skinny.

The female celebrities, that is.

My sister showed me an article in one of those women's magazines (I forget which one it was) that revealed the secret to the celeb's flat tummys!

Apple cider vinegar. Drink 2 tablespoons of it a day. The article suggested you can do it straight, or put it over string beans. Or put it over something else. I forget what. I think I was stuck on the fact that they suggested string beans.

Anyway, apparently the celebs are swearing by it. So, as someone who has constantly struggled with the extra spare tire around my waist, I decided to try it. Thought I'd even buy my sister a bottle of the stuff so that she could get her tummy celebrity-flat, too. I'm a good sis like that.

And then I tried it.

Oh.my.God. Barf.

I did the first tablespoon and almost vomited right there over my sink. Seriously. I didn't know how I'd get the second one down. I decided that if it was ok to have the vinegar over string beans, it would be ok to do a water chaser before the second shot. Even the water didn't quell my queasiness.

But I got the second tablespoon ready to go and forced it down.

Holy.hell.

I completely understand now how these celebrity women can claim that this apple cider vinegar is the secret to a flat tummy. You puke after drinking it.

Ok, so I never actually vomited, but I really did feel like I was going to for hours after doing the shots. No kidding.

I'd love a secret weapon for the flat tummy, but if this is it I'll have to stick to the eating right, running, working out, and situps secret instead.

Anybody need an entire bottle of apple cider vinegar? It's a big one, 'cause I was ready for a super flat tummy...

*Hold the presses! In my search for the image to post here, I found another article that suggests mixing a teaspoon of the vinegar with 1/3 cup water and even adding a teaspoon of honey to increase the effectiveness, and drinking that 2-3 times a day. Dare I try this?*

LBI 18 Mile Run 2009

*** I'm way overdue to post this. It's mainly copied from the post I did for the online running forum I'm a part of ***

“If you can train your mind for running, everything else will be easy”~ Amby Burfoot

This was the Runner’s World Daily Kick in the Butt that showed up in my inbox the morning after the race. Perfect.

As I've talked a lot about recently, I’ve been working on my running and racing since late June. I was unhappy with how things were going for me, so I decided to step back – not do a fall marathon – and really concentrate on shorter distances, improving my paces, and strengthening my mental approach to racing. In addition to not hitting the goal times I’d been training for in marathon after marathon, I was struggling with crippling anxiety each and every time I was lining up at the start of a race.

I enlisted the help of a friend and awesome runner who had helped me before. I followed his plan, and I improved my paces. I dropped some weight, which made running easier, and I started to really like running again. My goal race was the Long Beach Island 18 Mile Run – a race that has been a part of my life since I was a little girl. My dad was the race director for years, and in fall of 2006 – the year I started really running – I ran it for the first time. I set my PR that year, 2:44, and then struggled in the heat and anxieties that I dealt with the next two years. This year, I wanted to PR. I wanted to run with a strong mental base, and I wanted to feel good about my race.

After running a PR in the HM a few weeks ago, I felt confident as the race weekend approached. I wasn’t certain of the race plan my coach had for me (he was running Chicago the same day) but when we finally spoke on Saturday, he confirmed what I thought I should do, and I was calm and ready. The weather looked good for race day – mid 60’s and light winds – and I believed I could run the paces I was supposed to to get my PR. Already a success.

When the gun went off (and my dad dropped the start flag!) I crossed the mat and started my watch. Here we go. Plan was for me to run 8:40ish for the first 5 or 6 miles and then crank down to lower 8:30’s after that. Don’t go faster than 8:30 until later in the race, coach told me. After mile 14-15, just run. I started a little fast, but tried to run my own pace while watching runner after runner pass me by. Two of my friends took off ahead of me, but I held my pace. After the first fast mile (8:24), I slowed the second mile down to 8:35 and would end up holding it right around there through much of the run. (Splits below.)

As I cruised through the early miles, I felt like I was running slow – but knew that I needed to hold that pace. I saw friends at the start, another at mile 2, and I’d continue to see people I knew all along the course. My parents bunny-hopped the length of the run, and became rock stars themselves when the runners around my sister and I would notice these 2 people continually popping up the length of the island. Mom snapped a pic of me, mid-stride:

Here’s the thing – this course is not an exciting one. For most people, it’s really boring. You start at the south end of this barrier island and run straight up to the north end – 18 miles. The only turns you make are in the last half mile – a left and then a right into the finish area. By mile 14 you can see the lighthouse at the finish, but it’s a terrible tease, because you still have to run 4 miles to get there. Having grown up on LBI, though, and running there often even now, the race isn’t as boring to me. I pass friends, businesses, the street I grew up on, my grandmom’s house, and so much more to look at and look forward to along the way (and as I passed my grandmom's street this year, there she was in her nurse's car, waving to me!). Yes, the run is long, straight, and boring, but I enjoy it. The only thing that would make it better is if the course took us right along the ocean…


So as I ran through the first half of the race, I soaked it all in – how easy I was running, how great the weather was, how strong I felt mentally. I made sure to take water at the stops and thank all the volunteers. A friend of mine, C, is a sergeant for the local police, and he was patrolling the course on his motorcycle. He pulled alongside me and asked how I was feeling, for the first time, around mile 6. I smiled and told him I was really good. He’d continue to check on me throughout the day, and I’d always say the same thing. When I hit mile 8, I passed my parents’ street and noted that this time the last 2 years, I was overcome with the heat and started walking. Not this year.

I kept running my pace and kept feeling good. Miles 9 through 11 take you through a couple towns where there were people out cheering and businesses flank the street. After mile 11, though, you start into the north end of the island where it’s mainly residential and the spectators are generally thin. Seeing my parents and my nephews along the way made it fun. My left knee started bugging me around mile 10 (probably because of the crowning road) but by mile 14 I wasn’t really noticing it. I had taken a gel at mile 6ish and another around mile 12 or 13, and still felt good. C had let me know that my sister wasn’t feeling so great, but that she was still running, and I started to see my two friends up ahead.

This is L and G, post-race. They both finished just minutes behind me.

I passed my dad at mile 14.5ish and he said after mile 15, start picking people off. I chuckled, because I had already started doing that.

I caught up with my first friend before mile 15 and he was ok, but slowing. I caught up to my other friend right near 15, I think, and we ran together for a few minutes, but I felt myself slowing near her and I wanted to push the pace. I went ahead. Miles 15 and 16 came and went, and I fully realized how well I was going to PR. I cranked it up a notch for mile 16, and then concentrated on hammering home for miles 17 and 18.

My legs were starting to feel it, but I dug in. Miles 17 and 18 would end up being my fastest miles of the day! When I got to the end of the straight and made my left turn, C pulled up next to me and told me he was giving me a police escort to the finish line. Cool! Lights going, he rode next to me the length of that street. When I made that last turn into the finish, he told me great run and let me go.



I waved to my nephews, looked up at the clock, saw the time, and felt successful before I even crossed the line. I knew I had done what I wanted to do. I crossed the line, stopped my watch, and made my way through the chute. I had just run an 11 minute PR!

After catching up with my friends and seeing my sister come through (she didn't like her pics, or I'd post one with her), my mom took some pics and we headed home.

My friend, R, who placed 20th OA! And it was his birthday!

Everything I wanted out of my training this summer/fall showed through today. I got to the start mentally prepared and feeling strong, I ran a solid race, and I improved my pacing. The only thing left to do was enjoy a jump in the ocean and a chocolate milk to cap off a great day!

Mile paces:8:24, 8:35, 8:33, 8:34, 8:34, 8:34, 8:36, 8:36, 8:36, 8:33, 8:35, 8:35, 8:34, 8:28, 8:34, 8:29, 8:09, 7:59

Chip time: 2:33:26

Pace: 8:31

7/52 AG

220 OA (although they handed me #218 when I crossed and one guy is listed in the results 2x)

40/287 Female

And, the kicker – if I still had my LBI driver’s license, I’d have gotten 2nd Overall Islander Female.

A good day.

Today was a good day. Everything I wanted from my training this summer/fall came through in today's 18 mile race. Too tired to write about it now, but here's the nitty gritty:

2:33:26, an 11 minute PR. No mental anxiety, weather was good, running was smooth. Whew. More details and pictures to come.

Today was a good day.

Last workout

Today was the last workout before my fall goal race. I'm doing the LBI 18 Mile Run on Sunday, and it's the culmination of my stepping-back and reworking my running/racing/training. Of course, since I've been feeling so good about my running and my weight and my HM race, I wish I had a marathon on the horizon... but I don't yet, and I'm not sure which one I could make happen. I have to work on that.

For now, though, the focus is Sunday. 3 years ago, I ran this race for the first time and loved it. I ran it in 2:44:xx and loved it. I loved that day.

Then I ran it the next two years and it sucked. The weather was hot, hot, hot and the race doesn't start until 10:30am, and it sucked. My times were terrible, and I hated that that's what my experiences were these past two years.

Last spring, I blogged to myself about remembering that first 18 miler and channeling the positive experience it was. To Me is something I printed out and look at from time to time. It was such a good day, and I needed to get back to that positive race experience.

So I've worked hard, and I've lost some weight (really, without trying -- it just happened through this stressful summer) and I'm running better. Today's last workout wasn't tough -- it was 2 warm-up miles + 3 miles at race pace (between 8:30-8:40) + 1 mile cool-down. It wasn't going to be tough, and I looked forward to it all day. But then I got out there and it wasn't a comfortable run. Between my shoes not feeling right, my HR all over the place, the millions of gnats sticking to my sweaty face, shirt, neck, arms, and feeling like I was working too hard to stay at the right paces, it wasn't a great run.

I hit the 3 race pace paces, though. 8:35, 8:30, 8:25. I just wish the run had been more comfortable, less annoying. That's how it felt -- annoying. Annoying that I was faster than I was supposed to be, annoying that the bugs were thick, annoying that my shoes didn't feel right. But you know what? It didn't make me question that I could hold the race pace. I'm trained to run that, and I know I can. This last workout wasn't great, but it didn't break me.

A few easy runs and then race day. I'm ready.

sick

Better now, than next week. Went to bed with a sore throat Friday and woke up with a head cold Saturday morning. All day at work at the running store I was sniffling and my voice was fading and my head was getting heavier and heavier. I was desperately trying to ignore it, but late in the afternoon, when my coworker commented on my voice, I knew I couldn't pretend it wasn't happening. I left work, sent a message to a doc friend, and by 8pm, I had my first dose of the z-pak in me. Let's knock this stuff out before it settles into my chest!

No voice by Saturday night, head cold raging and not much better Sunday -- although I did get to the Eagles game for a bit -- and no voice today, either, although my head isn't as heavy today.

Good news is, I still got my long run done on Sunday morning (in the rain, no less!). Plan was for 12 miles, with the middle 7-8 at race pace (8:30-8:40). Despite my chest and back being super sore from all the sneezing, I nailed the paces and had a good run. Another easy 4 and a day off from work today (school's closed!), and I'm hoping the cold is on it's way out. Let's just see if I'll have a voice in the morning...

Win.

Without question, I'm glad I chose to do the Philly Distance Run instead of the LBI sprint tri. I really like this race, and today was a great day. A mental victory, a shiny new PR, beautiful weather, and family and friends involved. Win.

I woke up feeling ready, although with some basic pre-race anticipation adrenaline. I can't even say it was jitters, even with my stomach taking a bit to settle down. By the time I picked up my sister and we headed over the bridge, I was looking forward to the run. We parked easily and took our time getting ready. It was a chilly morning, and I was thrilled, though shivering. We set out for a little warm up and last minute bathroom stop. The art museum area was packed with people. I felt pretty calm. Already a different morning than my last several distance races.

As we made our way to the corral where I would meet up with a friend, we ran right into my parents. They had driven up from the shore to cheer us on! We said our hellos, found my friend, and before we knew it, the race began. My sister started just behind me, and as it turns out, she would finish right behind me as well. Great race for her today, too!

That's my sister on the left, me on the right in our throw-away shirts!

Within the first mile, I was running faster than I was planning, but I felt comfortable. I didn't let too much adrenaline take over, but I did have to keep myself in check. D had told me to run controlled (supposed to be an 8:20 pace), and then after the Falls Bridge (mm 9ish) hammer home. Even though my pace was a bit faster, I did lots of self-checks, and since I was running comfortably, I just went with it. I figured I'd back off a bit before the bridge if I'd need to, but I never really needed to...

We wound our way through the city and headed back up towards the Art Museum where we would pass blocks and blocks of people cheering us on, and I knew I'd see my parents. I waved a hello, and definitely felt a surge of energy running through there. We headed out West River Drive. I was still running faster, and I was still feeling good.

Passing the 10k mark. Not sure what's up with my left arm -- I think I had waved to the camera. That's my friend Greg on my left.

My friend and I didn't talk much, but it was nice to have someone to check in with periodically. He's training for IMLP, and this was just a training run for him. He made me feel good with his encouraging words and comments along the way! He kept telling me I was running a smart race... I kept thinking, this is comfortable. I'm doing well. That was great to feel that way.

I've run around the Loop enough to know what to expect in the crown of the road, the incline up to the bridge, and that it would be about 4.2 miles once we cross. I took some fuel, made sure to grab water at several stops, and before I knew it, there was the lady handing out the baggies of candy on the bridge. But no bagpipe guy this year! Where was he???

No matter, as I turned off the bridge, and rode the decline, I knew I was going to PR today. I knew that even if I kept running this pace and never hammered home, I'd still PR. I felt good. We passed the 9 mile marker in 1:14 and I turned to Greg and said, "That's the fastest I've ever run 9 miles in a race."

I stayed steady through the next 2 miles. By mile 11 I was started to feel fatigue in my legs, but I was fine to hold on. When we reached mile 12, I picked up the pace. There's an incline the length of most of mile 13, and it doesn't crest until just about mile 12.8. I made it up that incline, legs starting to feel heavy, through the huge crowd of people, and then picked it up a bit more. I heard my mom and dad yelling, I made the turn to the finish, and there it was. When I crossed, I stopped my watch and took a look. 1:47:24. It read 13.3 miles. 8:05 pace. Whoa. Awesome! It wouldn't be until I got home and looked up the results that I'd see I was given the official time of 1:47:38. Hmm. Not happy about the discrepancy, but so be it. I was sub- 1:48, and that means I did was I was supposed to do. AND, I felt good about the race. Shortly after crossing the line, I heard my sister call my name. She finished just about a minute behind me, and got herself a new PR in the process, too!

After grabbing some water and gathering our medals, we made our way to the bag check, and somehow our parents found us there. So did my "coach," and I got to hear about his race -- he finished in 1:09:48, good for 33rd place! -- and tell him about mine.

... talking splits...

I heard about Ryan Hall's win and said our goodbyes, and then my sister and I made our way to the car. In that moment, I was caught up in the frustration of having to work so hard to get the time I got, while my sister was able to run just a minute slower on less training. I was happy for her, but I was jealous, too. It took until today, with some good reflection, to get past that and be able to appreciate my day, my race, for what it was.

It was a victory. I was not crippled by my anxiety at the start. I was prepared, I was confident. I was able to run a strong race, with solid paces. I ran a PR, by about 5 minutes, and I felt strong doing it.

Today was a win.

In the presence of greatness

I'm hoping some of his ability rubbed off onto me.

I got to the PDR expo at the best time -- Ryan Hall was meeting and greeting for a short time, and there were only a few people in line when I spotted him. I joked with him a little, and he asked how I'm feeling about Sunday and we talked about training for a minute. He signed my race shirt and a poster, and was really, really nice.

I hope he wins the race.

I hope, by just having been in his close presence, that I win my race.

Running form

Over the past couple weeks I've been trying to pay attention to my form while running. Several people have commented on my form -- whether it's my shoulders looking like they're tense (they usually aren't), or I should be picking my knees up more, or general comments about my gait -- and so, of course, I now think about it a lot.

I try to keep my arms relaxed -- not up in front of my chest, but loose and keeping my chest area open. I shake out my arms often -- I always have, really, and it's something that reminds me of my friend Joe (Voodoo) every time I do it because we've talked about punching the air in front of us at times.

I think about my legs and their strength as I run, and I lift my knees when I feel myself slowing. As I run up a hill, I engage my hamstrings and power up. When I'm running easy, I don't let myself shuffle -- I keep a solid form and just slow the pace.

As I run, I keep myself in check -- core strong, hands and arms relaxed, sometimes leaning slightly forward, just to allow the natural pull do it's job.

I'm aware that I'm a better runner now -- my heart rate is lower while running than it ever was, I'm lighter, which makes the running easier, and I'm better (really good, even!) with keeping the workout what it's supposed to be.

This weekend it's time to see just how well this can all come together.

3 things

I'm trying really hard to be, feel, and live with more positive thinking. I've been having a rough go of things lately, and I need to bring more good stuff into my life. I need to appreciate the good that's already around me.

I could talk about how good my running's been going, but I feel the need to wait on that until after the half marathon this Sunday.

Instead, I'll list 3 things that were good today:

• I got a lunchtime run in! I had my lunch period and then prep period back to back at the end of the day, so I asked permission to use my lunch for a run. Granted, by my VP who also runs. Sweet. Sunny, warm, clear day.
• A visit with my grandmother, who was actually sitting up when I got there. I brought her a card to sign for my mom for her birthday, and although I had to help her with the writing, she signed the card for her daughter. At the end of my short visit, I kissed her and told her I love her. She kissed me back and said the same. Then, as she always would, she watched out the window and waved as I drove away.
• I spent about a half hour on the beach with my family, and then jumped in the ocean. There were some clear jellies, and it was a bit of a big ocean, but it was warm.

Truthfully, I could list 2 more things that were good today. A conversation with co-workers that caught me by surprise, and an unexpected chance to say a quick hello with my brother's kids.

THINK good things, look for good things, and maybe, just maybe, that PMA my dad keeps talking about will take hold. Positive Mental Attitude. I'm ready for good things.

improvement

So yesterday's run was a interval workout. Plan was for about 10 miles total, with 3x2mi @ 8:20 pace with 5 mins easy between. On paper, that sounded like it wouldn't be all that challenging. It's a cool feeling to look at a workout and think that.

Turns out, I was right. I ran an easy 2.2 to a park loop that runs around a lake -- I'm noticing I can run a little faster for my easy pace while still keeping my HR low. Cool. Just before I got to the lake, I started the first 2mi repeat. My goal was to never go slower than the 8:20pace. I didn't.

First mile was 8:08, finished the repeat in 16:13. Felt fine. Felt like I had to hold myself back a little since I was faster than I was supposed to be. Jogged through the 5 mins rest, and got ready for the second repeat.

First mile here was about a 8:09, finishing in 16:17. I was, again, feeling fine, but I was thinking I should be slowing it down a bit, so you can see I did -- slightly. Again, jogged through the rest time and noticed just how many older men were walking around this lake this morning. Huh. One guy yelled, as I passed him again, "Are you a twin or just running fast?!" That made me smile and do a double-take. Yes, and I'm trying were the thoughts in my head, but I yelled, "Ha! I'm trying to run fast!" And he cheered, "You're doing a great job!" That was a fun little boost.

As I began repeat #3, my legs were still feeling ok. First mile was 8:06, finishing (up a hill heading for home) a little slower with a 16:25. Done. Did all the repeats faster than prescribed, but I felt D would be ok with it. I think the workout could've probably been more like 3x2mi @8:10 with 5 mins OR 3x2mi @8:15 with 3 mins btwn. Either way, I felt good about how comfortable I was with this as I made my way back home.

I ended up with 11.25 miles altogether, and could've kept going. It was a cooler (low humidity) morning, sunny and clear.

Great way to start the day.
Great way to keep me focused on my goal.

I've committed.

And after all this, I should be committed...

PDR it is. Half marathon, here I come.

No looking back.

I woke up

this morning and felt like I want to be doing the tri.

Cripes.

I can't have it all.

And as a Libra, I don't make decisions well. My mind has been swirling and working overtime and it came to a boiling point today. I have to make a decision about what to do on September 20th.

Run the Philadelphia Distance Run (half marathon), which I'm registered for, or

Do the re-instituted LBI sprint tri, which I'm also registered for (didn't have to pay for this one, though.)

Both are exactly 3 weeks from the LBI 18 Mile Run, my goal race for this fall.

I got on my bike this afternoon and set out for a ride. Almost immediately, I wished I were running. I had a fantastic long run yesterday (15 miles with half at MP -- actually faster than MP) and a good, easy 6 miler this morning. But here I was, looking down at my sweet new Zoot tri shoes pedaling my bike

on this gorgeous, cool-for-August, clear afternoon, wishing I could go for a run. I felt almost sad that I couldn't run tomorrow, on my scheduled (and needed) day off from running.

I also recognized that while I love riding my bike, and I've gotten way better with my swimming, my goal -- my much needed goal -- is focused purely on my running races right now.

At the end of last spring I knew I needed to improve my running - primarily the longer distances. I was killing myself mentally going into each race -- convinced I couldn't hold the pace I'd wanted to run, or just freaked out in general. As I helped him with things in his life, I recruited D to help me with my running. He'd done it before, but I wasn't ready for his training at that time. I questioned things. This time, I promised to follow his plan.

And I have. I feel like my running is improving. I've also lost a bunch of weight, which makes running easier. I feel like things may just be coming together -- and I need to see this through.

But I really wanted to do this tri -- for a couple reasons. First, because my swim was cancelled in my July tri, and second, because it's on LBI, my hometown. There's also a good chance I'd place in my age group -- simply because there aren't that many people registered yet!

But the PDR is a good race -- I've done it twice before, but not in the past two years because of the LBI tri (which was supposed to be cancelled this year). Doing this race is more in line, I feel, with what D thinks is best for me. I think it might be a good opportunity to work on my pre-race nerves and routine. If I run well here, I can carry that into the 18 miler 3 weeks later; if I don't, I've gotten the rough race out of the way and can tweak some things.

And so, as of now, I think I've made a decision. I feel like I owe it to myself to see this running stuff through. I'm hoping to see good results with my racing this fall; I'm hoping to feel better about my racing.

I can't have it all, so I've gotta remember and stay focused on what I really want. For now.

Perfect, Congrats.

That's the text I got back from D when I let him know how I did in my 5k race the other night.

Then he said, "That's only 2 seconds off where we thought you'd be." Or something like that.

On a hot night, in the middle of distance training, hitting a 23:50 would be good, a 23:40 great, and a 23:38 was possible. My 23:33 (or :36 - can't remember) PR would be cool to break, but in the heat of this forecast, it wasn't a given. I, secretly, just wanted to run under 24:00.

I knew the first mile of the Run for Tony local 5k would be fast -- it's all pretty much downhill -- and it was: 7:22. (I should interject a qualifier here that the use of the term "fast" is relative in this context. I'm not that fast, but these are fast paces for me!) I was actually pretty comfortable through most of that mile, but sometime after starting the second mile, I thought I'd better slow down a touch or I'll limp the last mile home.

Apparently paying attention to my pacing wasn't entirely on my mind (maybe it was my breathing, or the couple people in front of me who I knew were trying to break 24mins, too) and mile two got too slow: 7:45. Rats. Then again, it was the toughest mile of the race, with some inclines that worked your legs...

By the time I hit the end of mile 2 and knew I only had a mile to go, I was realizing I was feeling sort of ok. I mean, I didn't feel great, and I didn't feel like I could go a whole lot faster, but I felt like I could hang on. So I did. Mile 3 was 7:43. There was another incline toward the end of this mile, but I realized I was passing some people and that made me power up to where it was leveling off.

It was hot, and a touch more humid than I thought it would be, and I was still running fast. My day-long insecurities about running the 7:35-7:40 paces that D planned were not necessary. I could do it. Huh.

As I got to the last .2 of the race, I picked up the pace. The road levelled off, the turn into the finish area made, and I was sprinting to the finish. 23:40. And I didn't puke.

While it's a few seconds off my PR, I'll take it. That PR was set in March '08, and given the heat in August, and the fact that I was ok in this race, the result isn't that important. I found out I could run faster than I thought.

I checked the results later: 23rd female out of 240, 140th OA out of 518+ finishers.

I don't know that I would have used the work perfect, but I feel good about the race.

Slacker

That's me. I've been slacking here.

I told my sister I haven't been writing much this summer -- not on the running forum where I post, not here in my blog, nowhere. And she asked why. I couldn't really answer her, other than to say my head's been so jumbled this summer that I haven't felt like I could concentrate enough to write stuff on one topic. Or to write stuff that seems meaningful.

But I guess I need to just get back into it. There's a lot to catch up on...

*Training's going well. I've been hitting my paces and running some solid workouts. I feel good about that.

*The new stability shoes/no orthotics deal is working well, too, I think. I ran a 12 miler today and my knees have just a hint of crankiness, but that could very well be because I haven't been as diligent with my glucosamine supplements. Need.to.be.better.about.those.

*The scale has been very friendly these days. I struggled with mystery pounds through pretty much the first 6 months of this year. This summer, I've dropped the mystery pounds, plus a few. I'm consistently weighing right around 120lbs, and hanging around 118/119 right now. Hell, I weighed 116 the other morning. I can't remember the last time I saw that number on the scale. I like this -- I feel better -- and I know it is completely due to fewer calories going in. I just hope I can hold onto this once the summer ends and I'm back at work full time...

*My grandmother is dying. It is sad to watch, but I'm fairly certain she's not in any pain. She's lived a long life, and I just want her to be comfortable in these last days. Whenever I can, I'm at her bedside, talking with her, holding her hand, and even feeding her ice chips. She isn't speaking much, but she managed to tell me I looked pretty the other day. That made my day.

*I had a GREAT experience this weekend doing The Great Urban Race in NYC with Maria. There's a lot to say about this super fun day, so I'll write a full post about that tomorrow.

This has been a really emotionally charged, turbulent summer. I know that's part of life, and since that's what this blog is about, I'll strive to get more written about my days...

Loss

I've been at a loss for words this week. I found out Monday that a friend of mine passed away of a heart attack Friday morning. He was an amazing runner, finishing 18 marathons since his first in 2005, and an amazing person.

I've had a difficult time getting words out. There's so much swirling in my head, but nothing coming out.

So for now, I'll just say goodbye to someone who made me smile, someone who made me feel good about myself, someone who encouraged me to continue to go after my goals, someone who gave great hugs -- along with a sense of security.

The road trip out to Ohio this week, to say goodbye in person, was tough -- but so worth it.

I miss you already, Joe.

"Voodoo" Joe Truini. 1971-2009. "Alive is a good start to the day. Take it from there."

Doc's orders

Work on your cycling.

I've iced, rested a day, Motrin'ed, and my heel is a thousand times better. But there's still a bump. My doc friend saw it last night and told me I need to rest it so the aggravation can subside. I didn't understand. It's sooooooooooo much better, I said! No, it might look better, it might not be sore to the touch anymore, but it's not better. There's still a bump. Then he went on to talk all about the ligaments and tendons and bone on bone calcification and whatnot and what I retained was he wants me to take the next 2 days off of running.

Crap.

I need to run. I want to run. I ran yesterday, an easy 5 miles in the new shoes, and things felt good.

No, he said, you need to rest it. Let it heal inside. Your cycling and swimming are your tri weaknesses, right?

yes.

Then swim and cycle the next two days and check in with me then. Don't run until Saturday.

Dammit!

This guy knows his stuff. D, a 2:30 marathoner, broke his foot one June and G (doc) opened him up, put a pin in his foot, and D was running just minutes off his marathon PR in November. These days, he's better than he used to be. If G says take some days off, I'll do what the doc says.

So my bike and I will be spending some quality time together the next few days.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because I think I'm passing on the Philly Distance Run in order to do a new sprint triathlon on LBI the same day...

We broke up.

Me and my $500 custom orthotics, that is.

I've been wondering just how much I need these for a while. I've been wondering if I could get away with something over the counter, or just a good stability shoe. The heel problem prompted me today to switch things up.

So I went to the running store, had the boys analyze me as though I were a first time customer, and after they patiently had me try on about 6 different pairs of shoes, I settled on these:

Saucony ProGrid Guide2. Let's hope tomorrow's 5 miler works well with these!

Feet and salt water

Sometime last week or so, I switched up my shoes and started running in Asics Nimbus's. I've run in them in the past, but it's been a couple generations since they've worked for me, and I was excited with how comfy/cushy they were.

And then I started feeling an irritation on my left heel.

This happens with most shoes: I wear a hole in the heel cup with my boney heel. Usually, the shoe will end up with a hole, but my heel will be ok. Not this time. I distinctly remember, last Wednesday, feeling something like a grain of sand rubbing on my heel while I was on the running store group run. I was pissed. I knew it wasn't going to be good.

I had tried to drain the blister, but it wasn't like a real blister -- not much to drain, but a round, little bubble nonetheless. By Saturday, I was really hurting. In fact, my run was scheduled to be a fartlek run -- 6 total miles, with 2 warm up and 4 miles of 2 minutes hard, 2 minutes easy.

I did ok for the first few miles, but by mile 3.5 -4 I was almost crying as I ran. I stopped, readjusted my sock, tried again. Pain. I took off the pre-wrap that I wear under my Garmin and folded it up like a pad, put it on my heel, and tried again. More pain. Nothing worked. I ran the rest of the workout feeling like there were razors slicing my heel open. I fought back tears. I concentrated on keeping my form, but knew there was a definite favoring of that foot that I couldn't avoid.

Beware, gross foot picture coming...




See that white blister-looking thing? That's where the bone's sticking out. It's still not a drainable blister, it's a bump that's getting irritated with all my attempts to drain stuff out of it.

This morning I set out for my LR with all sorts of interventions: aquaphor, bandaid, cotton ball held over the spot with pre-wrap and held in place with athletic tape, duct tape over that, and duct tape over the hole in my shoe.

I got through the run, but fought the heel pain the whole way. My legs felt fantastic today, and I was super psyched about that, but the heel pain dampened my excitement.

Nothing was working. The pain was bad, the bump was big, it wasn't looking good.


It was time to hit the salt water. I started with a good old Epsom Salt and hot water soak. I like those, usually, but I could just tell this wasn't going to be good enough.

So I hit the beach, and spent time with my feet in this water instead:

I've iced, vitamin-I'ed, and I'm switching my day off from running from Wednesday to tomorrow.

If all that salt water in the ocean hasn't fixed this yet, I'll give it one more day. After that, I may be the wacko running down the street with one running shoe sporting a gigantic opening to let my heel hang out...

Not what I planned.

After a night fighting nerves, I woke up ready to tackle the swim in today's tri. My stomach, it seems, held onto those nerves and wasn't 100%, but I felt good about getting to the race early, getting a practice swim done, and covering the distance.

But when I got there, they were announcing that the swim portion was cancelled. Apparently, the heavy rains and thunderstorms that blew through last night brought high bacteria levels into the water or something. The water was tested and deemed unsafe for swimming. So we were doing a du.

Cripes. I have been swimming a lot more, feeling better about it, and now I won't get a chance to swim in the tri I've been training for.

As I sat in my transition spot, hearing that announcement over and over again, I wasn't angry -- if the water's not safe, it's not safe -- but I was disappointed. And maybe a little pissed. Can you tell? This is me, putting my running shoes on instead of my swim cap and goggles.

Ok, maybe I was feeling a lot pissed and disappointed. I felt bad for the girl two bikes down, and many others around me, who were there to do their first triathlon. At least I've done them before.

I've never done a du, however, and I really wasn't thrilled about doing one today. I haven't rested at all going into today, and I knew my legs were going to feel it by the second run. We were told the race would start, in our assigned swim waves, with a 1.9 mile run, followed by the planned 17 mile (two loops) bike, and then the 5k run. I put on my shoes, and walked over to find my friend Jen at her spot, and comiserate with her. She'd rather swim two legs than run at all, so I knew she wasn't thrilled with the switch, either.

We made our way over to the start, waited for all the waves ahead of us, and commented on how hot it was getting already. Soon my wave was called, and we wished each other luck as I headed to the start.

I lined up right up in the front, mainly because it was a big line and lots of us fit there, and no one really seemed to be caring where they started. Maybe because there was an elite wave earlier... Anyway, I set my watch, joked with the ladies around me, and then off we went. I started with a pretty good pace, but without my Garmin or a sense of where the mile marker was, I didn't know how fast. We ran a straight shot along the river to a turn-around, and back. By the time I hit mile one, at just over 7 mins, I knew I needed to slow down a bit or I'd be toast on the bike. Apparently, I slowed down more than I thought, though, and ended the run with a time of 15:02. The last .15 of the run was on a grassy, hole-y, puddly stretch leading into transition, and that slowed me a bit, too. Oh well.

As I made my way into transition (thank you, ladies on my rack who thought to put a flag balloon on the end!), my less-than-perfect tummy issues started to scare me a little, but I downed some water and gatorade, grabbed half a cliff bar, put on my helmet and pulled my bike off the rack. I was jogging/running my bike out of transition and had to make my way around all these women who were walking. Huh. It's a race, no? Some guy yelled, "Hey, are you guys racing or what?!" And that made me giggle as I ran by him.

I got on my bike, cliff bar hanging out of my mouth, and got a pretty good rhythm going fairly quickly. The bike course was a two-looper, and it was pretty flat. Some rolling stuff, and we did go up and over Falls Bridge, but there wasn't any major hill or incline to speak of. I ate my bar, I drank some water along the way, and felt energized as I made my way through the start/finish area on my way to loop 2. Same ride here as loop 1 -- got passed by some people, passed a bunch myself. I remembered reading something about standing up a little and lowering your gear as you come into the finish to stretch your legs and get ready for the run, so I did that. I also ate a gu in that last mile on the bike because I felt like I needed some fuel for the run. I dismounted just fine and made my way into T2. Bike time for the 17 miles was 57:03 -- just under 18mph, which was pretty good for me.

In T2, I realized that my legs were feeling pretty done by now. I racked my bike, swigged some water, grabbed my visor and made my way out. Again, the first .15-.2 mile were on that bumpy, puddly grassy area and as much as I wanted to get my legs moving, they just weren't. I hopped down the curb and onto the pavement, and nope, things didn't feel any better. This was going to be a long 3 miles. But it's only 3 miles! I kept telling myself. Um, yeah, another out-and-back along the river, and this one wasn't going to be easy.

Just before the turn-around (and, obviously again right after), there was a water stop, and they were handing out ice-cold rags to cool yourself off. Ahh! Icy coldness! So refreshing on my head, neck and chest! I wanted to sit right down and ice-rag my legs. Who would say anything? Seriously, my legs were toast -- the idea of stopping and just standing in their ice buckets crossed my mind, too.

But I didn't stop. I kept going. I was facing the finish line, now! I knew I was slow, but I didn't really look at my watch to know just how slow. I knew my friend Lori was up there at the finish waiting for me, and the draw of the finish was strong. I felt ok, really, except for the lack of speed in my legs. Too bad that's the part I really needed at that time. I high-fived Jen as she made her way out to the turn-around, and I knew I was close to the finish line.

Sure enough, there was Lori with her baby son, A, cheering for me just before the finish chute. I gave them a wave and surged into the chute. I was almost done! I could stop soon! WooHoo!

As I sprinted down to the finish, the cheers and cow bells and encouragement from the guy on the microphone and the crowd were amazing. This really is a cool event. I heard my name announced (a neat thing they do for as many of the women as they can) and crossed the finish with a smile on my face. A gentleman put a medal around my neck and took off my chip and I was done. 5k run, done in a terribly slow 26:40. It wasn't the tri I had planned on doing today, and I can honestly say I don't like the du, but I had fun anyway.

I found Lori, waited and cheered for the other finishers and our friend Jen, and then made my way to pack up my transition gear and get my bike. As we walked to our cars, we talked about other races we'll do, and how this one went, and I couldn't help thinking, this is a great community of people. I'm so glad I do this stuff.

So while I'm frustrated that I didn't get to do my swim today, I feel good about my first run and my bike. I enjoyed being a part of this event, and I know I'll do other tri's. I like the challenge.

Sitting in my car, I realized my shiny (and pink!) medal says Philadelphia Women's Triathlon.

So I guess, technically, that's the race I did today, but it definitely feels like I missed out. After going out for lunch with Lori, I got home and looked up the official results.

1:42:08 total time. 214 OA out of 988 finishers. 35/179 in my AG. Not great, but not terrible. And certainly not what I had planned on doing today.

The night before

I'm racing the Philadelphia Women's Triathlon tomorrow. I tend to hate the night before races.

I'm a runner. That's what I know. I fake the tri stuff. Yeah, I've been swimming a lot more, and I bike a bunch. But, I still ride with cages on my pedals instead of clipped-in shoes (see, I don't even know what clipped-in vs. clipless or whatever means!), and I still freak out about open water swimming in races. I'm not focused on tri's like I am my running. Yet.

But I feel like more of an athlete doing tri's than anything else. I have fun trying (ha!) them.

So I'm working all night to keep my nerves in check, and I'm reminding myself I have no expectations with my time. This is technically a sprint, but the swim (~.46 mi) and the bike (17ish mi) are longer than any other tri I've done.

I know I can do the swim, the bike, and the run. I know I can do it, but I want to do the swim well. All I want for tomorrow is to feel good about my swim -- I'm not concerned with my bike or run -- I didn't really taper or rest for this race, so no time expectations. I just don't want to get out of the water feeling like I struggled. I shouldn't -- I should do this just fine. Once I'm in T1, the fun starts.

And then I can enjoy the rest of the day.

A full weekend.

Through the craziness of last week, I somehow made my way into the holiday weekend. Growing up on a barrier island in NJ, where seasonal businesses reign and tourism is both welcomed and hated, this weekend is huge.

I made my way to the shore Thursday to work the door of the nightclub where I've been working for more than 15 years. I want to give this job up, but it's social, it's (pretty) easy money, and it's fun to watch the bar-goers on their way in (and stumbling out!). And, I've set it up that I'm only working there about 5 times all summer. It was packed, with a line of people out the door all night. I was taking the cover, and at times I had thousands of dollars in my hand. It was a good night for the owners.

Friday I started my day with one of my variations of a green monster:

And then spent some time working at my brother's store. I worked there for most of my teen/into adult years when my dad was the owner, and though I don't work there anymore, I try to pop in to help out on busier weekends. With some tough stuff happening with my brother, I wanted to do whatever I could. Turns out I was called upon to make 2 batches of my yummy rice pudding.

Saturday would bring even more difficult emotions into our life, when my sister's older Boston, Rocket, passed away unexpectedly. It is heartbreaking to have to try to explain death to 5 and almost-4 year old innocent little boys. It is amazing to see the love they are pouring on their other Boston, Tanqueray, and the understanding they have of Rocket's spirit. Rocket was a very special dog, and it has been a tough few days at the shore without him.

I was lucky enough to have some very understanding friends who met me at their door Saturday night after my nephew's birthday party with open arms, and let me cry out all my tears I'd been holding in for so long. We talked, we ate, we had some drinks, and we watched the fireworks over the bay.I needed some fresh air, some time on the beach, and some good things in my world, so I spent much of the day Sunday on the beach. I got an open water swim done in the ocean, and although it was only about .5 mile long, I felt like it was a really good workout since I don't get much OW swimming done. After that, it was wiffle ball time with this little guy:

Doesn't he look like a little triathlete?! Love it!

The ocean was refreshing and clear and calm this weekend, though there were some clear jellyfish in there, and my nephews spent more time jumping the waves, playing ball, bodysurfing and boogeyboarding than they ever have before.

It was so great, we all stayed until today and got another whole day on the beach yesterday. Perfect. After a full and emotional past week or so, it was fantastic to end the shore time with good things.

Oh, and I called my brother on my way home today just to remind him I love him. He sounded pretty good.