Thoughts from the pillow...

One year ago today I wrote a reflection piece that was born out of thoughts I had while on a run. I shared it with some running friends, and I thought it would be interesting to dig it up today, a year later...

Thoughts from the pillow in the middle of the night...

I am single. I live alone. I am not a good sleeper.

In those moments of silence, when I’ve just put my head down on the pillow, or when I find myself awake in the middle of the night, I think.

I think about my 91-year-old grandmother, and the long life she’s lived.
I think about my young nieces and nephews and the life that is still ahead of them.
I think about my brother and sister and parents. I think about friendships. I think about deaths. I think about work, about house projects, about the crazy lady that lives below me.

I think about lost loves.

And I think about me.

I try to figure out what’s ok and what’s not ok with me. What I like and what I don’t like. I try to figure out how to better me.

I should do more volunteering. I should have more patience. I should stop my bad habit of needing something sweet after each meal. I should, I should, I should….

What do I do? I run. Not necessarily in the middle of the night, but I decide then, that’s what I will do. Running makes me better.

Running, really, came into my life about a year and a half ago. The truth is, it has always been in my life – my dad was a marathon runner and the race director of a local 18 mile race for 15 years while I was growing up. I was a recreational runner – just something to do for fitness – for a while. Then, after witnessing everyday-looking people completing an Ironman Triathlon, I decided I could do more than my three miles a day.

So I got fitted for shoes and started increasing my distance. Suddenly, I felt like I had a goal. A focus. This was something I couldn’t remember ever having before.

I remember running 5 miles without stopping for the first time. Then 6, then 7, then more. Each new milestone made me feel better. Each new distance was a new goal achieved. I ran my first distance race – a half marathon – and loved it. Then, after all the years of volunteering at the race my dad directed, I ran it for the very first time. I loved every step of those 18 miles. Another milestone, a little bit better…

I ran through the cold winter months, freezing my pigtails that poked out from under my hat, and listened to friends who didn’t understand what I was doing tell me to stop running so much. I listened, but I didn’t listen. They didn’t, and still don’t, understand that I have to run.

It makes me better.

People ask me all the time what I think about for all those hours I’m running. Too much, I tell them. Most of the time, I’m thinking about my body. What feels strong, what doesn’t. When I need to drink, or when I need to fuel. What that twinge is in my knee, or how low my heart rate feels.

Sometimes, though, I think about those things that swirl in my mind in the middle of the night from the pillow. I find my thoughts straying to the recent hospital visit for my grandmother, the fight I had with my sister, the most recent love lost...

And then, as if by magic, it’s time to make a turn, or take a sip. Or I catch a glimpse of the sun sparkling on the ocean, or a lone, puffy cloud against the rich, blue sky. And suddenly, I’m better.

I’ve found focus with running. I’ve set goals, and I’ve accomplished them. I’ve run two marathons and a triathlon. I've made new friends. I’ve inspired my twin sister to run, and we’ve run milestones together.

Running makes me better.

In those quiet moments, when I’m awake in the middle of the night, I think about all sorts of things. And I look forward to my run the next day.
__________________

So that was a year ago. I'm still not a great sleeper, but I think this year's running has helped my sleep get a little better. I still think about these things, but some with less weight than I did last year. I've certainly added to my number of races and variety of races I've done, and I gained new experiences this year that occupy my mind. I still need something sweet after my meals, but I did contribute more to charities this year. My sister is still running, and my grandmother is still with us.

I still think about things when I'm awake in the middle of the night, but today -- one year later -- I don't feel as weighted as I did when I wrote this.

Running has made me better.

Happy New Year, everyone. Here's to a wonderful 2009!

Running through town

I decided to do something different for my run today. I wanted to go at least 5, maybe 6 miles, but I thought I might take some pictures along the way. This would serve a couple purposes:

1) it would intentionally slow me down. (Or so I thought.) I have been running most of my miles lately without much regard for pace. I'm running comfortably, but probably in a zone that wasn't very beneficial to me. Junk miles. If I was taking pix along the way, I'd have to go slower, right?

2) it would give me something to contribute to my own blog, which, by default, would

3) give anyone who reads this blog a (sort of) glimpse into what I see on my runs some days.

So here we go:

I figured I should start by showing off my new running jacket (thanks, Mom and Dad!), but all this picture really shows is a Santa getting a peek at something... (what?! I didn't realize!)

This is the view from my deck, looking across to the road where I will start my run. I turned on the 305, let it link up with the satellite and the HRM, and made my way across the street.

As I head up that road, I cross a little creek. This area has the potential to be a really nice park area, but the town does NOTHING to keep the water/area clean. Such a shame.

Soon enough I'm heading past the street where my mom grew up, and then under the speedline,and then past the street where my dad grew up and the pool where he was the head lifeguard as a teen. (They think it's cool I am living in the town where they grew up!) The pic I took of the pool complex didn't come out clearly through the fence, though...

So then I headed up a long road and made a turn towards town. I passed the church where my parents were married, my sister and I were baptized, and my sister and BIL were married.
This is where I decided to extend my run a bit (I can keep track with the Garmin now!) and I headed to the hilly, rich part of town. This is the first hill I hit, a nice decline, which is the precursor to all the ups and downs I'll run over for the next 3ish miles. I run through the country club area and hit the steepest (but short) climb of the run so far. Alas, that pic didn't work, either. I tried to take it over my shoulder but all you see is my big ol' face. On we go... Finally, I hit the last real climb of the run - a three-tiered hill up to town: As I make my way into town, I pass the dinosaur that commemorates the fact that dino bones were found here in town:I stopped at the running store to grab a sip of water and say hello to the guys. Of course, I forgot to snap a pic here. They probably would have laughed at me anyway for it. At this point I have covered a little over 7 miles, and decide to make my way home via the park loop. I pass through town, past the high school my parents attended, and around to the park path.

A little less than a half mile from home, and finally I pass the ONLY water fountain there is when I run through town:

As I come to the end of this run, I end up right back where I started, to the left of the first picture from my deck...

I ran 9.5 miles total, and while my average pace wasn't as slow as I planned, I did have many miles of easy running. It was about 40* and windy (which made it feel a lot colder), but super clear and sunny, so it was one of those days where I could have just kept going and going. I didn't have anything else on the schedule for the day, so this was a great way to spend much of my morning!

I've been running.

I swear. 34 miles this week; 6 days in a row. I might take tomorrow off and swim instead. We'll see.

I just haven't felt like writing. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because I feel like I haven't had anything important to say.

I have lots on my mind:
*the extra weight I'm carrying right now (like 5ish pounds)
*the too-much drinking I've been doing (as in too many nights, NOT too-much alcohol/drunk)
*the need to decide on the next major race
*running with the Garmin 305 and the heart rate monitor
*my Christmas -- running on Christmas day in shorts, the gear I got, etc.
*New Years
*re-organizing my house

There's more, but I'll write about the stuff in more detail when I feel like I have something interesting to say.

In the meantime, I'll dig up some old writing I've done before starting this blog...

Seriously? An Age Group win?

So that 5k race I ran in the middle of my 12 miles on Saturday? The one where I didn't even run as fast as I could?

Yeah, apparently no one else in my age group did, either. I won the AG (35-39). By almost 4 minutes.

Seriously?

It wasn't even a fast race for me! The top two women in the next AG up beat me by more than 3 minutes! This is how I get my first AG win? Crazy.

I wonder what the prize was...

A long run, a short race, and a surprise visit

Yesterday was the day I planned to do my longer run of the week since I'd be working at the running store today.

I'm not training for anything at the moment (I need to figure that out!!!), but I've been doing a longer run of 10-12 miles on the weekends anyway. Yesterday was the Haddon Heart Run 5k, which I've run the past 2 years. It's just over 2 miles from my house, so I figured I'd run there, run the race, and then run the longer way home. I'd get about 10 miles, maybe 11, done. Good plan!

I spent Friday nite finishing my Christmas shopping, and got up early Saturday. It was a cold morning, so I was playing around with what I wanted to wear -- something warm enough to keep me comfortable on the longer time out there, but wearable for a 5k. As I was deciding, my phone rang. My dad woke up early and decided to grab a coffee and drive up to watch my race. He lives just over an hour away, but he was a marathoner and refers to himself as my coach, so this surprise visit didn't really surprise me...

He stopped by my house to make sure he knew where the race start was, reassured me that he knew I was doing my LR around the race and that he wouldn't get in the way of that, wished me luck and headed to the start. I ran there, and met up with him just in time to peel off one of my layers and point out a local Olympian who was running the race as well.

I wasn't planning on running all-out and shooting for a PR -- I haven't been doing any speedwork lately -- but I knew I wasn't going to take it too easy, either. The race started and I settled into a comfortable pace.

When I hit the first mile, I saw that I was running about an 8mpm pace. I did a check of my legs and breathing and decided this was fine to hold onto. Didn't really need to slow down, didn't need to speed up. Just right for today.

So I made my way to the finish -- 24:30ish -- and found my dad and my sister (who would've run the race were it not for an allergy attack!) and chatted with them for a couple minutes. Dad quickly pointed out I didn't want to get cool, so I should be on my way. He was going to run some errands and he'd meet me at my house in about an hour.

Off I went. Ran 4.5, then one more, then added one more mile home. In total, I ran just over 12 miles. A few moments later, Dad arrived. He helped me with some house stuff and then headed home.

Great way to get 12 miles done :)

I did it again.

In 34*, drizzly weather, I put on my capris, hat, and rain jacket (not the super big one this time) and set out for my run.

For the first 3 miles, I had freezing rain mini-balls pelting my face. I could see them bouncing off my jacket. It made me smile.

Then the freezing rain started to shift to snow. By the time I had about a mile left, the snow was falling like a heavy curtain. Big, heavy flakes. It made me giggle.

I ran 5 miles, and I did it at a pretty good pace. I was a bit wet by the end of this weird run, but it was a fun one.

5 pounds and drying out in the pool

That's what's on my mind today.

I had to weigh in for the no-weight-gain holiday challenge that Maggs is running. I was doing really well for a while, but obviously ate/drank too much this weekend, particularly at my friend's birthday celebration. I'm 5 pounds heavier today than I was on the morning I ran the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of October. I am 2.5 pounds heavier than one week ago, even though I ran a 12 miler and 3 miler this weekend. :( grrr...

Since I'm feeling heavy these days, I made myself go to the gym and swim some laps in the pool, even though today is usually a rest day for me. I also did about 45 minutes of walking/stretching/core work with my Fitness Club kids after school.

So I got to the gym hoping the high mineral levels in the pool had leveled out. Last time I swam I felt like my mouth/tongue/skin were super dry for days. Although it seemed a tiny bit better, I still couldn't stand being in there for too long. If it's not better in another week, I'm going to give the gym people hell. The swim was good, but shorter than I'd have liked.

And after all that, I still feel heavy, and now I'm all dried out and smelling like the pool...

"You're crazy"

I did not sleep last night. I was tired ALL day. It has been pouring rain since yesterday evening. The temp has dropped about 20* in 24 hours.

I could not wait to leave work and go for a run.

It was about 40* and raining buckets when I got home. I pulled my biggest running rain jacket out of the closet, threw on my capris and a couple shirts, my shoes, my hat, and my gloves, and headed out.

My jacket and capris were soaked within minutes.
My feet were soaked through within the first mile.
There were so many deep puddles, I had to run slowly to watch my footing.
The rain was strong through the first 3 miles, tapered to a light rain in mile 4, barely a drizzle by mile 5, and stopped shortly thereafter.

I wished it hadn't.

For an hour, I didn't care what I looked like.
For an hour, I didn't think of much besides my footing.
For an hour, I didn't care how slowly I was running.
For an hour, I enjoyed the raw nature around me.

I didn't run fast, I didn't run hard.
I didn't look at my watch.

I was soaked, I was invigorated, I enjoyed every step.

It was a great hour.

And to top it all off, a friend saw me running and sent me a message later that said, "I saw you running in the cold rain. You're crazy."

:D

4:30am, again.

I wasn't entirely sure I'd get up at 4:30 again today to run, but with heavy rains and big winds supposedly sweeping through this afternoon, it seemed like a good idea. We were having our huge feast at work today, so there was another good reason to run early -- running after eating all day wouldn't be fun. AND, I had Fitness Club after school, so I wouldn't get home until later. Then my sister said she would text me if she was up at 4:30 and she'd run with me. Ok -- all these things pointed to getting up early as a good plan.

'Cept I wasn't sure I wanted to get up early again. So I didn't set the alarm. I figured if my sister texts, I'll get up. If I wake up on my own, I'd get up. If not, I'll make the run happen later.

Don't you know she sent me a text at 4:37am?! "Getting dressed."

"Really?" I replied. I was surprised. Then the reality hit that I needed to get out of bed and get dressed, too.

She was at my house by 5, we donned all the reflective and blinky stuff I have, and I put on my new headlamp. And shorts -- it was 60* this morning! Awesome!

We did a couple miles around my development and then took the 3 mile park loop to finish up. As I showered and headed to work, I realized, again, how glad I was to get the run done in the morning. It just makes me feel better through the day.

Well, it also makes me tired at about 4:30 in the afternoon, too. I actually fell asleep answering email this evening. That's ok - it was a rainy, windy day anyway -- perfect for a short nap :)

I'm actually a little disappointed I have 6 on my mind to do tomorrow -- That's a tight squeeze to get done before work, so I'll do them when I get home. I guess that means I get to sleep in until 5:30am!

4:30 am wake-up

For the first time in a long time, I got up at 4:30 am for a run. I miss doing that, actually. I always feel good getting my run done before starting the stuff I have to do that day.

I wasn't sure I'd have a chance to run after work today, so I got up, packed all my stuff to shower and head right to work from the gym, grabbed my lunch, and was running shortly after 5am. I'll admit I'm not taking to the TM well yet. It's been soooooo long since I've run on a treadmill (since I almost passed out doing speedwork last spring!) and I'm not comfortable with it yet. The pace seems off, my legs seem off, it just doesn't feel great.

But I got 4 miles done and then got showered and dressed for work. And then I realized I left something at home that I needed for work. Rats!

Somehow I was able to swing by the house AND stop for coffee and a breakfast sandwich AND still get to work by 7am -- just in time :)

14 miles and a swim

That's what I did this weekend.
(Well, besides some Christmas shopping, marathon coffee session with Fitness Guy, nephew time, night out in Philly, and laundry.)

Ran an 11 miler yesterday. Aimee jumped in with me for a bit. Not sure why, but my legs felt this run more than they should have -- not so much during, but after. Maybe it's because I was dealing with a head cold all week, maybe it's because I ran a lot of hills this week, maybe it's because I just haven't been as good about my stretching. Probably all of the above. I was tired, too; after showering and getting some food, I accidently napped for a short bit.

Met up with friends for dinner and drinks last night in Philly, and then took my time getting out of bed this morning. I've kind of enjoyed getting my LR done on Saturday so I can enjoy my Sunday mornings a bit more. After some coffee and a light breakfast, I went to the (jump-rope, balance board, exercise band-free -- grr!) gym and did a solid 3 miles on the treadmill and then jumped in the pool.

I haven't swam since the Endless Summer Tri at the end of September -- and that was in the 6 foot waves of the rough ocean. Although the pool had high mineral levels due to some maintence last week (they swore it was safe to swim in!), which were a bit overpowering and gross, I got a bunch of laps done -- nice and easy -- and it felt really good. I'm only a little concerned that my mouth/tongue and skin still smell like the pool and feel dry, even after showering, and I'm hoping those high mineral levels even out in the next few days so I can get in the pool again soon.

Not a bad weekend.

I need a few things

Today I needed a good 6 miles. (For the record, they ended up pretty good.)

While I was running, I needed my legs to not feel so heavy.
I needed to not feel like I had 10 extra pounds on me.

I need some direction in my running. I'm not sure what paces are appropriate for me anymore. I'm not sure what my next goal race should be, and what I should focus my training on.

While I'm at it, I need some new clothes. I hate clothes shopping, and much of what I have has been in my closet since I was a size 8.

I need someone to come in and clean my house. I hate doing that stuff.

I need to drink more water. I haven't been drinking enough lately.

I need more sunlight. I'm going to work in the dark and getting home with maybe an hour of daylight left.

I'm sure I could list a whole bunch of other things I need. And if I really think about it, most of this list consists of wants, not needs. I realize that.

But today, I feel like I need these things.

The new gym

kinda sucks.

Ok, it's cheap -- like, $25 a month -- so I should understand what I bought into:

* the treadmills are old. I can't program anything in (like speed intervals), can't pause them, etc.
* the club opens at 5am, but I can't swim in the pool until 6am -- which means I can never get a swim workout in before work
* even though it's close -- 2 miles -- to my house, it takes twice as long (just under 10 minutes) to get there as my old gym did (also 2 miles away) because of where it is and all the traffic lights on the way.
* the parking lot is always packed and it's not well lit at night. shady.
* there are plenty of cardio machines, but to be distracted from the monotony of the TM, I have to watch one of the tv's hanging from the ceiling that I can't even hear. I can't even plug earphones into the TM and listen -- only two tv's have sound, and those are ones I need to tune my old-school walkman radio to the appropriate channel to, to link up to the audio.
* so far, I can't seem to find any balance boards, jump ropes, or exercise bands. Sooner or later, I'll ask about 'em, but I haven't seen anyone with them yet, so I'm not holding out much hope.

I'm sure there's more to note, but I've only been there twice. I'm sort of forcing myself to go when I have a shorter run to do because if I go 120 times in the year, I'll get money back from my insurance company toward my membership. I'd much rather be running outside, though. I do think it will be good to get in the pool this winter, so I'll use it for that, definitely.

For $25 a month, it'll do. It'll serve its purpose.